Flash 55 Friday

Aracnaphobia

Crossing over to water
the flowers, I catch a
glimpse of quiet beauty
Threads of lightness
illuminated by the pink
eastern morn, glistening
with fresh dew I feel
like a voyeur to your world of
secret lure and destruction,
like a lover whose too attractive
and before you know it you've
cashed in your soul....


I have never cared for spiders except Charlotte. When she died I sobbed all the way home from the movie theatre. I guess their speed makes me nervous but last summer I was able to study the most beautiful web(minus it's owner) in the morning sun. I am amazed at the architecture that stems from these little creatures. Almost air like in composition and yet strong enough to capture their prey. Truly a wonder. I hope you all have a cozy weekend. Temps are headed below zero, so outside will be limited! Blessings.......

Fragile.....

Fragile is one of my favorite "Sting" songs. My oldest son burned me a cd of "Nothing Like the Sun", and I forgot how much I liked Sting. Life is very fragile. I haven't blogged much because work has been very busy. Recently an event happened with an affiliate of ours in the business world. Fatalities were involved and now lives have been changed forever, and the endless world or lawyers, and investigations is plaguing them. A reminder of how fragile our world's really are. Sigh, so I feel like I'm out of sync with the blogging world. Our little family is busy. Alex is in the middle of taking final exams, Sam and Grace are busy practicing for a "Knowledge A Thon" that helps raise money for their school while they learn answers to over a hundred questions. They actually really enjoy memorizing and seeing how many answers they know. My hubby is thrilled with the success of the Packers and we are all hoping that we can beat the bears and make it to the Super Bowl. Alex was two the last time they won the Super Bowl. I start my Master Gardening course tonight with an introductory potluck. We get paired with our mentors and get to meet the people we are going to spend the next few months with. I am excited to get back into learning. And it's something I love so it should be that much more interesting. I love to learn new things, which is funny because I was such a rotten student in high school. I was all "social" and no "academic" until I was 27. Unlike my oldest who wants to take summer school so he can graduate early and take some courses at the university in town before heading off to college after his senior year. He didn't come from my gene pool. Looking at what I just wrote makes me so grateful for all that is happening. Not the tragedy of course but the movement of life, the going forward, not stuck. When the promises are read in meetings, my favorite line is "You will be amazed before you are halfway through". I remember my first week in, so broken and wishing my life was different than it was. Now I am amazed at my life on a daily basis. I am able to contribute not only to my families well being but to mine as well. I get to step up to the plate. I may not always hit homeruns, but heck I'll take just making a base! I'm starting to deal with Grace's ADD. We are working on organization. She now has a large desk in her room, a calendar that goes by the week, and each Sunday we write out what's happening for just that week. She has post it notes to write reminders, and supplies at her finger tips. We arranged her room in a more "friendly" manner so she can make her bed easier and pick up her toys better. Lots of hugs, and praise. She seems to be responding well. Another facet I didn't expect to have to deal with but it's rewarding to be able to give her tools to exceed. I look forward to the day I am asked to sponsor someone in AA, and I get to give them the tools to succeed through the great program of AA. And if I pass my Master Gardener class I will be able to give people the tools to make their world beautiful. So despite the atmosphere of saddness that is looming because of the "fragileness" of life, I am profoundly grateful for all that is life......

Flash 55 Friday

Winter Oasis

Watching the snow fall
I turn my attention to
a seed catalogue and
as I pour over the
glossy pages it suddenly
becomes a 75 degree summer
afternoon. The lawn is a
cool dark green, the flowers
blooming, birds chittering and
the sun playing peek-a-boo
with the shade. Then the phone
rings, shattering my daydream.......


This is true. Seed caralogues are coming and my mind is drifting to growing season. So to passify myself I am signing up to become a Master Gardener through our University of Wisconsin system. I am excited, as I love gardening, love school, and will be able to give back to my community doing something I love! Work has been brutal this week, thus the lack of blogging. Late hours, foul moods, and piles of work to be taken care of before next week's Operations Review. However it is the weekend, and time for relaxation. Go Pack Go, and stay safe and warm with the ones you love.....

Mom on the edge....

Not really but Friday after work I did something I never thought I would do. I had the right side of my nose pierced with a very tiny diamond stud. And I love it. My husband likes it, of course our 16 year old likes it, and I've had lots of compliments on it. Why? What posesses a 41 year old mother to walk into a Tattoo/Piercing establishment and get her nose pierced? I'm coming up on my one year of sobriety, and my 42nd. birthday and my oldest son and I were discussing tattoo's and piercings and I said, "I've always liked a tiny diamond stud nose piercing", so Alex says, " Do it mom!" Do it to mark the journey of this year". So I thought about it all the next day at work, and came to the conclusion that he was right. This has been a journey of blind faith, trusting that I could face the past, reconcile it, deal with the hurt and pain I caused others and myself. To feel all emotions be they happy, sad, painful, joyful etc. and to keep living in the moment. So I pulled in and did it. Now had I known how big the needle was, that the area wouldn't be frozen, and that forceps were involved I may have thought twice, but in my usual fashion I just jumped in. The nicest guy did it, and he even was helping fix my makeup because my eyes wouldn't stop running, but within two hours the pain was gone and I forget I even have a nose piercing. To me it stands as a symbol of what the last year has been. I cannot grow without periods of pain, and difficulties. I cannot change the past, or avoid the future. I can survive pain, and make it to the other side. So all in all I'm pleased with my decision. Saturday night the Monday night "Freedom" group had a potluck and speaker meeting. I love speaker meetings. The guest speaker was from a different part of Wisconsin and what a great story he told. From having everything, to loosing everything, to living in a rat infested apartment for $75.00 to finding his way into AA, getting a great sponsor and begining to rebuild his life. His wife had the divorce papers ready but never filed and they were able to save their marriage. He son who lived in fear is now graduating college with honors. He was accepted back into a profession he loves and he is zealous about the program. I so love to hear the stories because they just keep reaffirming what so many of us know. This program works if you work it. As I have said before I could listen to stories from AA members all day long. It reminds me of how much work I've done, how much more lies ahead, and how I never want to return to where I was. So this morning as I was putting my makeup on, the light caught the diamond chip and sent a small glitter of light across the mirror. Where there is darkness, there can be light, where there is despair, there can be hope, where there is sadness joy and I am delighted and privileged to be a part of it all. Monday blessings......

Flash 55 Friday

Being Still

Standing at the window,
steaming mug in hand
my lips send ripples
accross the coffee in
an attempt to drink it.
The morning has shown her
face, dressed in a veil of
pink and blue. Not a breeze
stirs in the frozen world
of January until a bark makes
me swallow and start my day.....


This is a usual scene for me, waiting for the dog by the back door every morning. The house is starting to warm up, and the snow sounds like styrofoam as Jack bounds accross it. January is a cold month, but one that reminds us there is beauty and purpose in just being still. Stay safe, stay warm and have an awesome weekend.... Go Pack Go!

Not feeling it today....

No creative juices flowing. So I will go read other's "One Shots". Just feeling cold and tired. Middle child is very ill with ear infection, terrible cold, and throwing up. Managed to last 2 1/2 hours total in school this week, so concerned for him. The Dr. has him on antibiotics but you can tell he just feels rotten. I'm still running things at work, but I did manage to be home with him yesterday. Otherwise he goes to grandpa and grandma's for lots of TLC while the rest of us are at work and school. Their little ShitSzu "Dudley" lays next to him all day long. Dogs/animals are so cool. They know when you just need love. Tomorrow I will celebrate 11 months of sobriety. The year has gone surprisingly fast, and I still have so much to learn. So I'm going to make some hot tea, and finish a few things I have left on my desk. Then it's home to my hubby and kids, to snuggle in for a cozy evening. Yes, life is very good.....

Clean slates & New Year's Resolutions......

At a meeting this past weekend, I heard many people talking about how happy the New Year made them feel. I heard the phrase "clean slate" referred to over and over. I get the feeling however I don't understand how people can brush off 2010 and think they start fresh in 2011. Hmmmmm, some of the same issues I have dealt with in 2010 are still here in 2011. It would be great if it was as easy as turning over the calendar and all your problems just disappeared. We would all love a fresh start but that's not how my life works. The "clean slate" for me is to not repeat patterns of behavior that didn't work last year. To look for new directions or different solutions to issues that I continue to deal with. Forgiving myself has helped remove a lot of the junk I was carrying but it didn't give me a "clean slate". There's only one person who can do that for me, and that's my HP. So for me this year isn't about starting fresh, or starting over, it's about using what I've learned and applying it to my real life. As for resolutions that is one area I have never succeeded at. I was fortunate to not have made "quit drinking" a resolution. In fact at this time last year I was just miserable but I hadn't decided or even considered AA yet. It wasn't until the last week in January that I seriously considered it and realized that I could do it. So it taught me a lesson. Planning for the future isn't an option. Oh, there are things you can do for things you know are coming up, but rarely do we ever have complete control of the situation at hand. So instead of me saying I will loose 50lbs. before summer, I will run a 5K, or I will become this awesome supermom, I have settled on a few less ambitious and for me attainable resolutions. Instead of leaving our bed a mess of blankets and pillows, I will make more of an effort to make the bed this year, I will try to pack healthier lunches for the office more rather than wait to see if someone is making a food run, I will spend a few more minutes alone with each child per day, just them, and try to learn more of what is going on in their world. I will be kinder and gentler to my husband which means setting my agenda behind, and I will try to give more unconditional love to mankind. These few "resolutions" I feel are a bit more doable than all the unrealistic ones I've made in the past. So whether it's a clean slate or not it doesn't matter just as long as you realize the important thing is to take one day at a time, just one 24 hours, no less, no more, and maybe some of the resolutions you made will actually materialize.....