Friday, April 29, 2011

Flash 55 Friday


A dull gray stone
darkens as it splits
the translucent barrier
and sinks to rest on
a sandy floor. Fast
flowing concentric circles multiply
across the glassy surface
reaching out to infinity
in an amoeba like existence
of a clear blue world
only to be interrupted
by a water bug oblivious
of his untimely intrusion....

Trying to have thoughts of the lake after three days of rain and cold. We are suppose to have a break of one day before rain sets in again. Regardless of weather we have a busy weekend planned so I hope you all stay safe and dry......

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hiding from yourself.....

Last night at the "Daily Reflections" meeting we talked about an interesting subject. How when you first come into AA and you get that first taste of sobriety, how you need to protect it. Guard it against anything that may take it away. One man said he drove five miles out of his way every night so he could avoid driving by the bars he once inhabited. He was afraid that there might be some "magnetic pull" the would yank his car over to the building and he would start drinking. Another person said they attended 3 or 4 meetings a day because they were unemployed and they were so scared of having nothing to do. It might lead them back to drinking. I could relate. I avoided TV and my leather chair. You see that was my drinking post. A lovely stressed Italian leather chair, the kind you sink into at the end of a day. I would prop my feet up on the ottoman and proceed to drink myself into numbness, with the only physical movement being to get up to refreshen my drink or use the bathroom. Of course this would also involve mindless channel surfing so I could occupy my mind while I was on the way to oblivion. So when I first sobered up I was terrified of that chair. Heck the room for that matter. I couldn't sit in that chair without a drink so I just avoided it. I started going to bed to read, and catch up on 15 years of sleep. I was always a night owl my whole life and now I was going to bed at 8:30. I even did this on weekends. I just felt that if I sat in that chair I would drink. What I didn't realize is that I didn't trust myself to not drink. I was trying to trust my HP and let go and also trying to control the situation as well. Even on the weekends I went upstairs early. I remember my husband asking out oldest, "what's up with your mom and going to bed so early?" to which our teenager replied, "I think she's afraid of her old drinking chair". How right he was. I was running scared. So scared that I didn't even know if I could trust myself in my own home. Eventually as the months went on I knew that my HP would keep my on the straight and narrow, and the urge to drink was gone, I could start to trust myself. One day when I was cleaning, I looked at that chair. It no longer held any power of me, so I moved it to the other side of the room, and put a different chair in it's place. The spell had been broken, my HP and the program of AA was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Now I get to bed around 11:00. I can mill around the house at all hours and do not need a drink in hand. I guess it wasn't all for nothing, I really did need to get rid of my dark circles. So it's ok to go out of your way, to protect your sobriety at all costs. Sooner or later it will no longer matter, you will know how to function in all circumstances and that it a wonderful gift to have. Out of curiosity has anyone else done/avoided and past behaviors to avoid drinking?.......

Monday, April 25, 2011


Is there anything better than an AA meeting when a person in celebrating their sober anniversary? How about an AA meeting with three people celebrating sober anniversaries! At this past Saturday's meeting that is precisely what was happening. Three anniversaries: 4 years, 8 years, and 15 years. What was particularly interesting was that all three had been raised by alcoholic fathers, and everyone of them said they would "never be like their dads" and yet all three became alcoholics. The person celebrating four years came into AA through her brother. He was just getting out of lower D and she had come to see him and she was drunk of course. He was always talking about AA, and the big book, and meetings, so finally one day she said, "enough, I'll go with you just to shut you up!" Fortunately for her, she never looked back. In her second year of sobriety she took a job transfer to another state and her brother was so worried that she might fall off the wagon, but she never did. What an awesome moment when her brother presented her with her four year coin, and told everyone how proud he was of her. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Another lady was celebrating her eighth year. She came into the program at 25. Big time drinker and it was so neat to hear her talk about how much her life had changed in eight years. She's married, the mother of two beautiful children, happily married, and holding down a job. You could watch her glow with pride at her accomplishments. She said, "not only did I stop drinking, but I built a life I never imagined would or could be mine". Finally the person celebrating 15 years is a man I know from the Thursday night meeting. When I first met this person I was terrified of him. He spoke the truth, and very directly. He is never worried about hurting your feelings if it means he's going to keep you sober. At a meeting last summer I wittnessed him chew a young girl up one side and down the other. After the meeting I overheard him talking to her telling her that he only did it because he wanted her to stop playing games and get sober. He really does have a heart of gold. I have gotten to know him much better these past months and he's a man who walks the walk not just talks the talk. There are many people who love to tell you a twelve step program escpecially AA doesn't work. But I disagree. If you could have sat in Saturday's meeting,and heard those testimonies, and saw those proud, happy faces, there wouldn't be a doubt in your mind just how powerful this program can be.....