Friday, November 12, 2010

Flash 55 Friday

You Called...

You called the other day
to tell me there
was a strange man sitting on my porch.
You asked if you should tell him to
leave as he wasn't very clean and
might be menacing.
Couldn't you see that he was just waiting
for the bus? cold and tired?
Maybe I need new friends.....

At the end of our driveway is a city bus stop. Seriously. So many people often wait on the sidewalk. A lot of elderly use the bus and when it's hot I let them sit on the front steps of our house because it faces north. They get some reprieve. Sometimes someone is just tired and they sit on the steps. It doesn't bother me. I'm glad I can offer something. But I did have a friend call one day to ask if they should "shoo" a man away just because he wasn't dressed/bathed a certain way. I always think that "there are angels that walk among us" and you never know what they look like so treat them with dignity. I hope you are all having a nice end to the work week. Have a great weekend and stay dry and warm.......

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Oneshot: Epiphany

Waiting at the stop lights
we discussed the mundane
work, school, schedules, dinner
until I noticed you weren't listening
So my eyes followed yours and then
we both saw him

Shaggy beard, torn clothes
ungloved fingers holding the sign
"Homeless will work for food or cash"
His defeated stature was reflected
in the glow of red

You turned to me, eyes pleading
a thousand questions running through
your young mind
I reached for my purse and watched
you hand the cash to this man
His grateful smile illuminated by the
glow of green

As we drove in silence
I wished I had the answers
but I don't
I can only show you
that by giving to your fellow man
there doesn't have to be any
orphans of God..........

My oldest son Alex and I experienced this last night. Our town has a growing number of homeless and it's maddening to think of them in the cold, hungry and tired. I really wish I had all the answers....

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Pasta and tears....

This past Sunday my sponsor and I held a "Pasta and Tears" party for women at the AA club. As you can imagine there was a lot of good pasta, garlic bread, cookies, and m&m's. There are a few women's groups in the club but we wanted a Sunday afternoon where ladies could come together, eat, share, laugh and cry. And boy did we eat, laugh, and cry. We centralized our discussion around the five stages of grieving. How there is almost a bliss in denial, or at least a distance that keeps you at arms length. One woman shared how denial kept her from drinking after her husband's sudden death. Another lady talked about denying she had issues with her mother, thus drink became the escape. I just denied everything and kept denying it with one drink after another. Next comes anger. So many women had anger at God. I had anger at life. Anger has only one place to go and that is out. For so many of us who haven't felt anything in so long, this can be scary. It just comes bubbling up and it's got to come out, so watch out. The first few weeks of my sobriety I was a nutball. Laughing one minute, crying the next, confused, angry, hurt, ect. Then bargaining. "God I just need to drink today because everything went so wrong, but I will stop tomorrow I promise". Or "I'll never drink again, just give me one more chance...." and then depression. I wanted to sleep all the time. Which to me is like another form of denial. I was so tired, brain tired, I just needed a good night's sleep. Or like the woman who was dealing with her mother said, "I was feeling helpless, overwhelmed! This was a huge piece of wreckage from my past and I wasn't sure I could make it" but then comes acceptance. Getting to that plateau where you've just made it through the hard stuff, the loss, the anger, the tears, the helplessness and now you are over the hump. The sun is beginning to peek over the edge of the horizon. It's like holding your breath and finally releasing it. You made it, you're not done but you've made it. We've all been there. Lived through something we didn't think we'd make it through. We are better for it. Growth is never a waste. Alex shared with me one of the exercises they had to do at leadership camp. They had to climb a 35ft. telephone pole. (they were harnassed and had on helmets) but when they got to the top they had to stand up on the very top and then ring the bell. Alex was the second person up the pole. He said it was scary at first, trying to get yourself balanced, and when your legs shook so did the pole. But after a while you stopped shaking he said, and you just stood in awe that you were there, on top of this pole, in the wind. He said it was so cool that he did it twice! Life is like climbing that pole. Are we ready? do we have the strength? can we make it to the top? can we stop are legs from shaking? Will we be able to appreciate the view once we get there? I don't know about you but I sure would like to try.........