Girl's rule and boys......are cool?! I can't slam on the boys as I am partial to them! But girls really rule when it comes to supporting one another. At Saturday's meeting J a woman who has been struggling all week asked if some women would mind having a first step meeting with her in one of the smaller rooms. So about elleven of us broke off and had a small women's group meeting.
I haven't been to a womens group meeting in over a year. We let J tell us what was on her mind, and then we went around and talked about what worked for us. The message that came out over and over again was that you had to do the work. You alone, we can love and support you but you must walk your own walk. It was so empowering to listen to the personal stories of some of the women I have been privledged to come to know over the last two years. I found myself taking away so much from their experiences, strength, and hope.
It never dawned on me that facing a large room of people could be so terrifing to people. I guess my mentallity is to jump right in, but that doesn't work for everybody. One thing I did realize was that I had learned to listen. Even when J was justifying things her partner was doing, justifying her own behavior, making excuses ect., I just kept my mouth shut and listened. After all who am I to tell her, what I myself didn't know not so long ago. You have to find out on your own. I'm still growing by leaps and bounds, I still have set backs, I still make mega screw ups, but I know to get right back up and into the game. That was something I never did before.
It was easier to throw my hands in the air and say "I give up". I didn't feel like doing the work, so I didn't and like J my life was in a constant state of chaos. But what I didn't relize was that this chaos wasn't normal. I had accepted it as the way my life was. Now I think back and say to myself, really?, You really thought that was normal. Not that there is a definition of normal but when you don't question things that should obviously not be happening, you are headed for trouble.
So now I have the luxury of sitting, and listening, and reflecting. I have the joy of thinking before I speak, of sharing what works for me, not giving advice, or preaching to someone but sharing. J is fragile, scared, confused, fighting surrender with every fiber of her body, and for once I didn't have the urge to jump up and fix her. Because I can't, because I finally know my limitations. There's only one person I can save, and that's myself. I chose to start that journey almost two years ago, and I'm thankful the road keeps stretching before me :)