Reflections of bare bone branches
bowing and swaying in the drowsy
afternoon sky, Flocks of geese
lifted from the lake honk their
good-byes. Dry leaves rustle as
they are hurried down the sidewalks
by the breeze, you and I snuggle
and feel the warmth of our mugs,
and watch the rain begin to fall.....
The rain is predicted for this weekend. My husband and oldest son are up north at the hunting shack with all the cousins, uncles, grandpas etc. My mother and her dog are coming to spend the weekend which should be rainy and quiet. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend......
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Ironically that is what I feel like I'm doing this week. Playing dodge ball. Life is a tough opponent at times. Had my mammogram this week. Two years ago I had to have a suction biopsy to remove suspicious tissue so when I have this done there's always a little nagging in my mind. My mother is a breast cancer survivor, so my risk is higher. But I bit the bullet and did the yearly test. I went to a new place so now I have to wait as they get the images from the clinic and compare. Wednesday morning saw me at a Safety Council Fleet Management breakfast meeting, back to work, stopping at my parents, home, dinner, then to the UW for Alex's leadership orientation. What an honor. 30 high school kids from all the surrounding schools. They have been hand picked by teachers. When the mc talked he said, "normally you think of the popular or athletic kids as leaders but that's not always the case. Each one of you was picked because a teacher felt you had something to offer. Something to bring to the table and it needed an opportunity to be brought out". All the kids were busy looking one another over. I knew Alex was nervous because when he would talk to me it came out in short, fast spurts. After a half hour the kids went off in another room to do the "color analysis". This placed them in groups based on their personality. Alex is in the blue. Compassionate, a true friend, hates conflict, loves his family, etc. this is also the smallest group. As is the green group the "thinkers". I watched as parents worried their child wasn't going to fit in. I have those same feelings. It is amazing how much you can work a program and in five seconds of walking into a room place yourself right back into high school and fill yourself up with inadequate feelings. On the drive home, my son who is light years ahead of his mother said, "I really like the group I'm in. The people are just like me and because it's smaller there won't be so many personalities to work with like in the big orange group". Ok who gave this kid the "DNA wisdom"? It wasn't me. At his age I would have felt there was something wrong with me because I wasn't in the big group. Where he embraces his individuality. Next week he is off to a leadership retreat at Camp Manito-Wish waters. Two days packed with problem solving and leadership building. He's excited. I would have thrown up. Then I realized it's not about me (I know you were wondering when that realization was going to hit). It's about him. I had to humble myself and thank God that he is as level headed as he is, and then I had to hand him back over to God. I'm just the instructor, God is the master planner. Sigh....Oh and when I got back to work yesterday my husband had left three messages for me to call him. His place of employment did another big lay off. They are down to almost nothing. So the writing is on the wall. He said he will be surprised if they make it to the new year. Dodge ball and this is a big one. But at least I carry the health insurance and we've made it on almost nothing before. Count your blessings not your troubles. So it's a week of ups and downs. The big "log game" is tonight. It's a football game that is played between East high school and West high school. Whoever wins gets to keep the log in their trophy case for a year. Last year West won, but this year East wants it back. It's our equivelant of a super bowl on a local scale. Alex is going with a bunch of friends. How time changes and moves, and at the end of the day I didn't have to drink. I crawled into bed with my husband and fell asleep saying my prayers. Prayers of "thank you" instead of "why"....and even though I don't have an athletic bone in my body I'm getting pretty good at playing "dodge ball" with life....thank you God, and AA, and you bloggers for listening........
Monday, October 18, 2010
It's a word I've come to know quite intimately this past year. Change has allowed me to work this program. I'm getting ready to take my 12th. step, and yes, I have had a spiritual awakening. An awakening of the body, mind, and soul. But I'm not the only one experiencing changes. Our oldest son is seeing a change in friendships. This has come of his own choosing. I knew this day would happen. The day when I would go to knowing all his friends, to barely knowing any of them. He has friends from grade school that attend other high schools and I think they will always remain friends. He has one friend that he has known since the third grade and enjoys seeing every few weeks. But since school started I've seen a change in him. The one friend he hung out the most with has become judgemental, social climbing, critical of everyone and this has sent my son on a new journey. I raise my children to be nice to everyone. You never know what someone else has going on. Not to be niave, but don't snap judge. Like Atticus says, "You never get to know someone until you walk around in their skin a while" (it could be shoes but I think it's skin) Alex has pulled away from this friend and is settling in with the kids he likes. He's not much for social climbing as he could care less, so now he seems more happy and settled with following his heart. Saturday night he was invitied to a friend's 16th. birthday party. It was at the VFW (lol) but they all had so much fun. Karaoke, dancing, food, non alcoholic drinks. At 11:00 pm they poured out of the building. Faces shining, laughing, wearing glow sticks. The girls were dressed up, and the boys sweaty from dancing. I sat and watched the kids as they were picked up by their parents. All nice looking clean cut kids, and I thanked God that my son has much better sense than I did at his age. I was trying to social climb, and creating a world of pain and chaos for myself. "Being myself" wasn't an option to me. He jumped in the car all smiles and full of stories. We sat up and talked a while when we got home. Sigh..... changes. Other changes are happening as well. Last night while we sat down for a quick bite, I noticed my husband reading the Homebound. This is a weekly informative that comes from the parochial school that our two youngest attend. In 10 years I have never seen him read one of these. I always read them and then posted them on the bulletin board. He also worked with Alex and Sam on Sam's school project. Making a headdress to represent historical Wisconsin background. It turned out great, and it was one project I didn't have to get involved in. It was neat to come into the kitchen and see my three guys working together. I am so grateful for times like these. My HP works wonders. I remember a few months back when my sponsor said to me, "the healthier you get the easier it will be for others to change and grow". How awesome to see the change, and to be able to accept it and grow with it. Monday blesssings to all.....