In search of time for me......

Crazy week. Way too much going on. The last two months of school in the spring are the worst. My teenager is swamped with field trips, papers, tests, deadlines etc..he has his nails chewed to a new all time low. My younger two have field trips, class events, lock-ins, birthday sleepovers etc. It's gottten so bad that I had to schedule an afternoon off to fit in a final check on Alex's foot that he had surgery on. I'm running in one direction and my husband is going in another. I feel overwhelmed! Like I've slipped below the surface. This is not a good place for an alcoholic to be in. It's worse than thin ice. I was going over some things with a collegue this morning and she leans in and says, "did you ever just slip up and take even one sip?" I looked at her and said, "no why would I?" to which she replied, "well people say it's so hard to quit drinking and you made it look so easy, that I just thought".......What I wanted to say is "You thought wrong!" then this person went on to say, "hey, you're doing so good I bet you don't even need those meetings anymore!" Every fiber of my being stiffened! "Not need meetings anymore?" The day I do not need meetings anymore is the day I feel I'm cured, and I'm far from cured. Now in this person's defense they don't quite get the whole "recovering" alcoholic bit. I am forever a work in progress. There isn't another option for me. It's been proven over and over to me that God and AA are doing for me what I could not do for myself. I haven't hit a meeting all week, and I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. Every nerve is crying, "I need to talk to people who understand me! I need my AA peeps!" So I went into my office, shut the door, closed the blinds, and set my head on the desk. "God grant me.....I am always amazed at how many times God speaks to me per day. Today he used a coworker to say, "Liz you need a meeting". I need a realignment. I need to be in a room full of people that suffer just like I do on a daily basis. They get me, they don't question me, they know just what I need. So I will hit a meeting on my way home from work tonight. I don't think I can make the weekend without it. I hope to catch up on blogs today, and I hope you all have a happy spring weekend. We have snow, ice, and rain coming tomorrow. Only in Wisconsin......:)

Taking yourself as is.....

It never amazes me how life unfolds exactly as you didn't plan it. Take this weekend. I decided to "neutralize" my daughter's bedroom. It was a rather wild room painted in colors of aqua, purple, yellow, green and hot pink&black dots. Very fun, but a little "overstimulating" for a rather active child. So we decided to paint it. A girl project. In other words my husband wanted no part of the deal. In his exact words,"If you girls want to do it great, but count me out." And yes, he could be excused as he was fighting a cold. Both her brothers consented to help so off we went to the store. Grace chose a beautiful blue/violet wall color. Very soothing. With soft black accents I knew we could make this room rock. We choose some fun accessories and headed home. We started with emptying the room and then the fun really began. There I was staring at a dark aqua ceiling that had to be painted white. No big deal, I've watched my husband do this millions of times. So I started and needless to say four neck breaking coats later and the ceiling was white. Time to do the walls, which was rather easy since the color covered beautifully. The work continued into Sunday and me thinking that I would be safe, crawled into the same paint spotted clothes I had worn the day before, put a Hannah Montanna headband on (hair sticking out in all directions) no make-up, and my glasses which were splattered with a million white paint spots. The weather was warm and stormy, I was sweating like a pig, and while I was hanging her new curtains my daughter runs into the room, "Mommy some old people are here to see you, I think it's your grandfather". Which would be interesting since both have been dead for years so I say, "Well bring them in honey, mom's a little tied up right now". A few minutes later in walks my godparents. I love these people! My godfather Jack turned 85 on Saturday and you would never know it. I had left a message on Saturday and since they were out and about on Sunday they decided to stop in. And look they brought there middle son whom I had a huge crush on when I was in high school. He flew home for his dad's birthday. Now married (to a woman I really like) and father of two children we haven't seen each other in ten years. He looks great, fit, trim, and tan and then horrified I remember what I look like. UHHHGGGGG this always happens to me! As he's crossing the room to give me a hug my oldest child and husband are standing in the doorway barely able to control their laughter. I had no where to go! No bag to pull over my head. My only hope was that I had at least brushed my teeth that morning but I was so exhausted and sore from working all weekend I couldn't remember. What does a girl do! Now why don't people stop over on Saturday when at least I had makeup on! Thanks God for family. My kids were so busy entertaining everyone, showing them around, showing them their rooms, that I completely forgot about being self concious of my less than "charming" look. They stayed for an hour and we all promised to get together for a cookout this summer. Later on my oldest and I were putting Grace's room together and I was telling him all the stories of our two families and all the fun we had when I was growing up. I went on to say I was mortified that I looked the way I did when they stopped to which he replied, "You looked great mom, you worry to much about stuff like that, no one cares. Besides aren't you glad they stopped over?" And yes, once again thank you God for giving me another humbling moment. "Yes, I am really glad they stopped", I said. And the amazing thing is I meant it! It is what it is, and I am what I am, and either way life's sweet little moments shouldn't be overshadowed by self conciousness. So as usual instead of me teaching my children they taught me. Just be yourself and everything will work out fine.....