Thursday, October 14, 2010

Friday Flash 55

Soups On

Ajiaco, Borscht, Bouillabaisse, Cock-a-leekie, Consomme
Clam Chowder, Dashi, Egg Drop, Fruktsuppe, Goulash
Gumbo, Hot'n Sour, Islensk Kjotsupa, Kimchi jjigae
Leek, Minestrone, Mulligan Stew, Nang men
Oxtail, Pozole, Pumpkin, Ramen, Split Pea
Taco, Tomato, Ukha, Vichyssoise
Winter Melon, Zurek. All
wonderful I'm sure,
but please give me a
bowl of grandma's
homemade chicken
noodle soup!

The weather is cool, most of the leaves are gone. Soup is on the stove along with wool socks on
the feet. I miss my grandparent's chicken soup. My grandfather made the noodles from scratch cutting each noodle by hand. I can see the pot simmering on the stove, the windows in the kitchen fogged from the steam. It was a cozy wonderful time in my childhood. May you all have a
safe, warm, autumn weekend!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Looking deep into the eyes of pain......

Last night I tried a different 7:00 meeting. The one I was attending was great but its a distance from my house and I don't always make it, so I thought I would try one that is only a few minutes from my house. I really liked it. Smaller and more intimate. After reading a chapter from the big book, we went around and discussed various topics related to the disease of alcoholism. When we approached the last person in the room, he leaned forward and poured out his soul. Tears were flowing, and you could literally feel his pain. He's been sober a few months, just started a new job, thinks he should be on top of the world, but he just feels terrible. He is so hurt and confused by this pain. Yet, watching him you know he needs to open that faucet up to full blast and let all that yuky, black tar hurt just run out till there is no more. Four of us stayed after and talked with him. Three old timers with lots of wisdom talked first, and then everyone looked at me. Why is it when you are the "new kid" you feel like what you have to share is just fluff?! So I shared when my feelings came back. How it was in the middle of church and it was like a fountain exploding! How my 16 yr. old was standing next to me probably praying to God to have the floor open up and swallow him. One of my good friends was in front of me so she helped clean up my face after the service so I didn't go to Alex's curling banquet looking like "Tammy Faye Baker"! At this point he started to smile, and even laugh a little. I told him I cried off and on for the next week and at one point I laid on my bed and cried for about four hours straight. To get it all out. Years of pain, shame, hurt, hiding etc. I just let it all pour out. And I'm not talking a few tears, I'm talking buckets! Without the pain it's almost impossible to really enjoy the good times. Pain makes joy evident, obvious, and enjoyable. I also told him one thing I have learned is that when I stop pushing my program, when I do just what I'm suppose to and let go and let God my program runs the smoothest. Prayers, and hugs later we all went our seperate ways. I used to avoid sad movies, books, news, etc. I thought I was just too chicken hearted to deal with them. Now I can sit in a room and feel someone's pain and see it as a gift. A gift to remind me of where I was, where I could be if I don't work my program, a place where I don't want to return to. He also reminded me that it's so important to walk through the pain, to appreciate all that is good in life. So I say "thank you" to this person, for he will probably never know just how important he was to my recovery........

Monday, October 11, 2010

Eight is great!

10/10/10 marked eight months sobriety for me. I didn't even realize it until yesterday afternoon. It was a gorgeous weekend weather wise. Hung out all the laundry Sat., we started cleaning the garage(monumental task)went to a great AA meeting, had my mom over for roast, baked squash with pecans, homemade mac n chz. and buttermilk biscuits. Then last night my husband and I attended a concert at the Grand Theatre of Peder Eide. What a celebration of God. We were on our hands, clapping, and shouting to the Lord. I love to worship like this. My husband grew up Catholic and converted to Lutheran when we were married. At first he was a little hesitant to loosen up and join in but after a while he couldn't help it. We were laughing and jumping and it was an awesome two hours. Our marriage is a work in progress. I no longer push it, I've given it to God. Let go and let God. I've accepted that this will be a slow journey. I trust my HP to do it at his will. But last night went a long way for us. It let me see a part of my husband that I had never seen before. It was a great way to celebrate 8 months, and a great way to end a great weekend. Today Sam gets to visit a farm, and it's picture day at school. Life begins it's weekly tredmill run on Monday. However instead of dreading the weeks like I used to I now have the choice to deal with the unexpected, and having those choices is an awesome thing. Peder Eide lives by a simple rule:" God is good, all the time. All the time God is good........