Friday, October 8, 2010

Flash 55 Friday

No time for "55"

I sat pondering, on just what should i write,
but my thoughts were all jumbled and a fright,
for early in the morning, my two youngest sang,
a tune so chilling it stuck in my brain! Over and
over till I wanted to scream :"Who let the dogs out?

Ever get a tune in your head that you just can't shake? Sam and Grace were singing this song with Sam saying "who let the dogs out? and Grace answers in a low voice that sounds like a woof "who,who,who"'s enough to drive me bonkers since I can't shake it! Hope you all have a rockin' Friday!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Catching up on life.......

"I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

I Can Only Imagine - by Mercy Me

Last night at bible study this was the topic of our discussion. We are studying revelations and going over the bible's testimony on those that were privledged to get a glimps of heaven. God is described twice in jewel tones ( reflected rainbow colors) or like a prism. This is a very interesting study and as I went through the chapter all I could think about was the song by Mercy Me "I can Only Imagine". To this day when I hear that song, I get very emotional. Tears are often spilling down my cheeks, and I'm awe struck, and humbled at the thought of being in my HP's presence. I had stepped away from bible study when I entered AA. I was attending meetings every day of the week and was getting overwhelmed by too many things on my plate. What a different perspective I have now. I see and notice things I never would have before. It's like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and God's word is no longer a foreign language but a guide. I love the change. Another area of growth. I'm taking the afternoon off from work. My house is in desperate need of cleaning. I want to open all the windows on this gorgeous day, and let the sun pour in on the hardwood floors. In our bedroom which is the whole second floor of our home the windows face south and the light pours in and you can actually smell the wood of the hardwood floors. Our kitty is often found sunning himself up in our room. So I will clean, run errands, make a nice dinner, maybe bike with the kids....and celebrate a simple awesome life....I hope you are doing the same....:)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Another turn in the road....

I grew up reading. I seriously can't remember a time when I couldn't read. It was my world. I was Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Anne of Green Gables, Nancy Drew, Encyclopedia Brown etc....books that kept my imagination going and filled in what was probably a pretty ordinary suburbia life as a child. A perfect day to me is curling up and reading for hours upon hours. This is not so for two of my children. Both my oldest and our youngest are dyslexic. Both have high IQ's but ask them to spell words or read a novel and it can be pure torture. Alex has gone through years of tutoring. He developed early survival skills and still uses them to this day. He is doing great in school and even likes English now. Our middle child Sam, just needed reading help for one year and he loves to read books. He's a solid B student and manages to keep up and organized where his school work is concerned. Our youngest Gracie is a whole different ball game. Not only is she dyslexic she's also ADD. Now we are going to have her diagnosed on November 9th., but I, her teachers, and her tutor are pretty certain she has both. They often go hand in hand. Sweet, loving, and precocious child, she resembles trying to keep a bird from flying when you work with her. The focus is short, tasks are often unfinished and if they are completed often messy. She is frustrated with her own attemps at learning, and as a mother your heart breaks. How do you let them know how smart, and special, and wonderfully made they are when they can't keep up with most of the kids in the class. Alex was almost 13 when he was diagnosed so the term Dyslexic was a relief to him because then he knew he wasn't stupid, he just needed to learn differently than others. He shows strong skills in both math and foreign language, two areas that can really be tough for dyslexic people. Grace is a bit all over the place. So today I sigh. As a parent I want to give her every opportunity to succeed. She is being tutored twice a week, and has been since she was in kindergarten. I had my suspicions that ADD was lurking around the corner but today as I spoke with her tutor those suspicions became a reality. Now what? How do you give them the best shot that you can? I checked out two books on ADD at the library and the tutor will send items home for us to work on so we can enforce what she is learning at school. Her road will be long, every grade will have to be earned. While friends of hers will sail on buy she will paddle against the current most of her life. This realization would have set me back, back to denial with another drink. The beauty of my program is that I have choices today. I chose to not have my daughter labeled. I chose to raise her strong and confident. To work beside and with her to overcome learning disabilities in order to make her realize that you do not need to be a victim to your circumstances. She will be strong, she will appreciate, and according to God's plan she will grow into the exact person that he has planned her to be....and that makes me happy.....

Monday, October 4, 2010

Warning : Danger up ahead...

This is what I feel like. Like I'm in danger or to be more specific my program is in danger. September was an unusually busy month, and more than once I had to miss a meeting due to family or other obligations. The result is that my program is lacking, I've crossed back into some behaviors that I want to be done with, self doubt is creeping in, decisions are erradict, impulsiveness is present etc.......Danger lies ahead. I've heard so many people talk about this at meetings. That when they aren't actively working their programs and attending meetings they start to turn inward, to turn to their perseived power, walk away from their HP and try to do things on their own. This has happened to me lately. I feel flat. Like my shiny newness is gone. I was so confident that I was working my program to the best that I thought hitting one maybe two meetings a week was enough. I can tell I need more. Thursday evening a gal who I've gotten to know came to the meeting I lead, and confessed that she had relapsed. This lady since I've known her has just glowed. She's two years into the program and now her smile and her spirit are gone. She's frustrated, humiliated, confused, and her face is full of pain. It's at that moment that it hit me. Danger is just a second away. This gal brought this home to me very quickly the other night. Less I get to cocky in my program, because it would only take a second to wash it away. The people with the most sobriety in our club are the ones who regularly attend meetings many times a week. My own sponsor with 21 years of sobriety attends at minimum five meetings a week. I now know why. These keep reminding you where you came from and how little it would take to go back. I don't want to go back. If you have any advice or experience, hope, or wisdom that you can share in regards to the "danger zone" I would love to hear it. Hope you are all having a happy Monday.......