Hello! I'm on the flip side of surgery, well into recovery. Things went very well despite being in surgery three hours. The tumor was much bigger than they suspected but Pathology reported it was benign. They removed part of the gland, the tumor and surrounding tissues. I have an incision that runs from the top of my ear to the middle of my throat and lots of bruising. Needless to say I'm really generating a lot of stares from people. Some paralysis around the left side of my mouth and a half a face of numbness but we will know in six months how much of this is permanent. All in all I am just greatful for the awesome Dr.'s, nurses, family and friends that I have including all you awesome bloggers. I was able to ice my face and neck, lay in bed, get waited on and read an entire book.
But like all things it must end. Back to work this past Monday. Not that I have a physical job but I'm pretty wiped by the end of the day. But there is something to be said for the routine of life. Getting up, getting ready, doing a job, taking care of one's family. Routine is comforting. It gets you out of yourself. It keeps you away from going to deep into the scarey zone that resides in your mind. I have to keep that door shut because negative thoughts and pity live there! Not a neighborhood I want to walk into alone.
The Saturday before my surgery I attended my favorite weekly AA meeting and a woman spoke of something that just resonated within me. She was talking about a friend who years ago had been in a car accident. This woman was infused with small pieces of glass in her skin from the windshield and is still finding pieces of it years later. The woman talking said she felt like her alcoholism was like that broken glass. That just when she thought she had it all she would find another piece to remove.
What a great analogy. Isn't it true to the program that it will never be truly gone? That for the rest of our lives we will be removing these shards of our past? The guilt, the regrets, the amends that we still need to make? I was awestruck. At first by the realization that it is a lifetime of removal but that it also served another purpose. That we should ever forget where we came from. Those broken pieces keep reminding us of just how much damage our disease can do. Just how much it can destroy, and how we need to manage what is left, and to never God forbid add any more.
You hear a lot of things in AA. Some pass over like wave of water, other penetrate deep. This one I love. Just like my pretty new scar, I don't mind having to keep removing those pieces of my past. They keep it fresh, they keep it real. In fact I know I will never be smooth skinned. My life is too complex and too wonderful to ever want to reach that goal. I hope you are all enjoying the last remains of summer. The kids and I are off to the lake tomorrow. My two youngest start school on Monday so that want one last carefree weekend of fun. I want to lounge by the fire and start on another good book. Hugs to all.......
