Friday, August 27, 2010

Flash 55 Friday

G - "great" things can happen when we open ourselves to change

R - "remembering" our past keeps us from repeating it

A - "accepting" ourselves flaws and all

T - "truthful with our High Power and ourselves

E - "everyone" and "everything" has a purpose

F - "free" to make choices

U- "understanding" ourselves and others

L - "loving" & "living" life!

Just some of the things I have learned over the past few months...friends will be over to help celelbrate Alex's 16th. birthday this weekend, so we are looking forward to good food, good fun and lots of laughter on a summer evening. Hope you all have a memorable weekend.....

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Firsts, and being ready........

First day of school today. Grace and Sam were up, dressed, had their beds made and were ready for school at 6:15am. Only problem being the doors don't open until 7:30. I love the first day of school. Everyone is nervous and excited, so willing to get up next week I'll be dragging everyone out of bed by 6:45 and shouting orders like a drill sergeant! Expecially for the high school sophomore, who thinks ten minutes is plenty of time to get ready. As other parent's were walking their kids to the classrooms, mine informed me "You can just pull up mom, we know where our rooms are", so instead of being hurt, I just smiled and did what they asked. Gracie shot me a big smile and jumped into the van for a quick kiss before she slammed the door and took off after Sam. A new school year, a new beginning. How do you know when you are ready for something? Ready for school, ready for driving, ready for relationships, ready for life?! There's no signal, no universal nod that says "yep it's time". The reason I have been pondering this question is because I have a friend who is struggling with the "right time" to end a relationship with someone she cares about. She knows this relationship probably isn't the healthiest, but as most of us do she's looking at the good times, focusing on the time invested, wondering if she really wants to start all over. Someone who is close to her pointed out that she didn't have to do the action of breaking up right now. Before I would have rolled my eyes at this. What do you mean? You know the relationship isn't going well, too much control from the other person, you're getting yourself physically sick agnonizing over this....and on and on...Oh yea, I had an opinion about everything. Just as long as you would agree with me, and I didn't have to be objective. But since I've entered the program of AA and I stepped out of myself I have begun to realize "one size does not fit all". Not everyone is ready to do things at the same time. People need compassion, and understanding, and at times a moment or two to really think things over. I heard the anguish and pain, and fear in my friends voice. I wanted to give her a piece of advice but what? As I lay in bed last night the answer came to me, so after dropping the kids off at school, I called her on my way to work. I told her from my own experience that being ready was everything. "I knew I was an alcoholic six months before I ever walked through the doors of AA" I said. I wasn't ready, and by waiting, and becoming ready the program has gone well for me. I have seen a lot of people come and go since I've been in the program and many times I think it's because they weren't ready. Really ready to change, to know the truth, to walk an uneasy walk through the demons of life. Just because you "know" something doesn't mean you are ready to deal with it. My friend thanked me and said she felt it was sound advice. I can't take her pain away. I have enough of my own to deal with. But I can relate in a different way. And I do know for certain that being ready in my case , made all the difference........

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I accept myself completely.

I accept my strengths and my weaknesses,
my gifts and my shortcomings,
my good points and my faults.

I accept myself completely as a human being.

I accept that I am here to learn and grow,
and I accept that I am learning and growing.

I accept the personality I've developed,
and I accept my power to heal and change.

I accept myself without condition or reservation.

I accept that the core of my being is goodness
and that my essence is love,
and I accept that I sometimes forget that.

I accept myself completely, and in this acceptance
I find an ever-deepening inner strength.

From this place of strength, I accept my life fully
and I am open to the lessons it offers me today.

I accept that within my mind are both fear and love,
and I accept my power to choose
which I will experience as real.

I recognize that I experience only the results
of my own choices.

I accept the times that I choose fear
as part of my learning and healing process,
and I accept that I have the potential and power
in any moment to choose love instead.

I accept mistakes as a part of growth,
so I am always willing to forgive myself
and give myself another chance.

I accept that my life is the expression of my thought,
and I commit myself to aligning my thoughts
more and more each day with the Thought of Love.

I accept that I am an expression of this Love.

Love's hands and voice and heart on earth.

I accept my own life as a blessing and a gift.

My heart is open to receive, and I am deeply grateful.

May I always share the gifts that I receive
fully, freely, and with joy.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

I found this poem on the internet. It sums up how I've been feeling lately. Gone is the roar of uncertainty. Replaced by a quiet acceptance of me. It took 41 years to get here. I am grateful that it happened at all. I find myself laughing with complete abandonment, crying when I want to and being quiet and observing when I can. Life has changed, no it's not perfect, but it's mine, and I finally accept it........

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


The lake was beautiful. I did notice all the sumac and leaves that were starting to turn. Summer has a tired feel about her, even the heat seems to sigh and wants a rest. Came home early to get some things done. We organized the pantry, tried some new things, got the backpacks packed and ready for Thursday morning. My oldest was still gone so the house was quiet, and picked up for a change. That is until the phone calls that started happening when he got back in town "Mom, my phone is acting weird"
"Mom John might come over and Adam and Nathan too" "Mom what's for dinner?" "You need to grocery shop there's nothing in the house"....and on and on.....So last night I was greeted to a loud and noisy house when I walked in the door. I made dinner and called the boys up. Within seconds two boxes of hamburger helper and a pile of garlic bread disappeared. Not to mention a half gallon of milk. If you've ever seen locust attack..... afterwards I asked the boys to go sit on the back porch so I could take their picture. I had taken this picture before two summer's ago and wanted to shoot it again now that they are almost 16. If I was camera savvy you would see the picture but that might take a while. What I did notice is that these four boys had changed. Taller, looking more like men, shoulders more broad, and yet the smiles were still the same. Laughing, and enjoying life, what a sweet age to be 16. So much changes, and yet so much stays the same. What isn't staying the same is my schedule. I've expressed my panic about the school year on more than one occasion, and I was pondering the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over expecting different results) when it dawned on me that God gave me a brain, and initiative, I don't have to be the victim, I can set events in motion with my HP by my side. So I thought about it, I prayed about it and I approached my boss about it. I wanted to change my work schedule. Last year I took over an hour out of my work day to pick the kids up, take them home and them come back to work for an hour. This was a lot of driving around, time taken away from being productive and added to my confusion. So I asked if I could work 7 until 2:30. That way I could pick up my kids and be done for the day. I would have extra time for helping with homework, and my oldest wouldn't have to worry about joining clubs or sports anymore. I had to sell the idea, but yesterday afternoon I got the approval. Yea, my two youngest were thrilled, and my oldest is busy looking into what else he can join. This will also make my life easier. I can get dinner done earlier, homework help accomplished earlier, the stress of lack of time won't be so impending. A year ago I never would have asked for this. I wouldn't have thought enough of myself to realize how far I've come in my program. I guess this is where people "will go to any length for their sobriety". I'm starting to settle in to a more quiet, peaceful feeling on the inside. I'm not willing to throw that all away just because school is starting. Rewinding to a year ago, well it makes me shudder. I can't fully close the door on the past, it keeps me grounded as I need to learn from it. However I don't have to repeat it. I'm looking forward to the new school year. This is the first in a long time! So bring it on baby, show me what you got.....