Friday, April 22, 2011

Winds of change and circumstance.....

Some weeks are just full of it. Full of "living life on life's terms". Two people at work are dealing with personal family issues. Both are health related, one is a spouse, the other a father. I just received an email update on one and now it's hour by hour. Sigh. My hubby was approached last week with a job offer to work for someone he has worked for in the past. He really liked the current company he's employed with but they are fading fast, and have been since November. This new job involves a shift change once again, but one I'm used to and can handle just fine. It was much harder when the children were smaller but now they can do many things for themselves. The money is less but then there's the factor of "a job vs. no job" so we'll manage. It's a good opportunity for him, with room to grow. So after much thought (and me keeping my mouth shut believe it or not) he decided to take it. I could tell he is feeling much better now that he accepted the new job, and handed in his resignation. Sometimes I think a fresh start is the best. Gracie our youngest has had stomach flu since Wednesday. She has managed to keep a bite of food down and some Sprite since 9:00 last night. So the household is a bit sleep deprived. I did stay home with her and was able to get all the laundry done and the entire house cleaned. What you can do in a day! And now we fast approaching Easter weekend. Oh did I forget to mention that it snowed Tuesday night into Wednesday. I was assured that we are done with winter since it's now "snowed on the Robin three times". Let's hope the old wives tale is true. I can't take another snowflake! Life is in limbo. The good is holding hands with the bad. It's times like these that I am so thankful to God, his plans, letting him be in charge, and having a program in AA to act as a guide. A guide to staying in the moment. A guide to not taking a drink so all the "bad" feels a little better. Learning to reach out to people has been a lifesaver for me. One of the above mentioned people who is dealing with a sick family member had made it clear that they do not want to talk about it. We at work are respecting this decision, but it is not easy. You can see the pain, the exhaustion but pride and privacy are pushing away what could be a useful support system. I can remember when I was like this. Hide everything, take everything on myself, I don't need help, I'll handle it. What a big dose of garbage that is! There's a reason we have other people in our lives. To reach out, to laugh maybe instead of cry, to just know there's someone else sharing your pain is a source of comfort. I now see what happens to people in the rooms of the meetings when they are locked tight. Proud, and private, they generally relapse. Afraid that throwing the laundry front and center will produce judgement, and criticism. I have found that by sharing some of the more difficult problems in my life, I am able to lighten the burden. It allows people to see my soul, to know me as a feeling, hurting human being. Yes, I'm in pain, yes it will pass. So when I wittness people struggling with wanting to keep their burdens to themselves I feel sad. I know it's none of my business, so I pray, and wait. Wait til the hard shell starts to crack, and then I'll hold out my hands and help them catch the pieces. May you all have a joy filled holiday weekend with the ones you love, and who love you back......

Monday, April 18, 2011

Looking at the differences....

I'm beginning to wonder if AA has a bad reputation. I know of several people who have told me they have a drinking problem. These people also know I belong to AA and that it has worked for me where everything else has failed. I was talking with an aquaintance the other day and they remarked that they had been researching alcoholism and that they really needed to get help. So without thinking I blurted out, "I would be more than happy to take you to an AA meeting!" To which came out of their mouth, "God no, I'm not going to AA!" and just the tone of voice made me feel like they felt better than the program. They started talking of alternatives and of course my mind went where it wasn't suppose to go "easier softer way" and I wanted to say (but didn't) "when all else fails and you are ready to go to AA I'll be here". This got me to thinking that the mention of "AA" must conjure up certain images in people's minds. I remember early on when a member told me to seek out the similarities rather than the differences. I didn't have a problem with that. I was so grateful to see heads nodding in understanding when I spoke about things or experiences. I felt validation that I wasn't so different or unique. That other people from every walk of life suffer from the same affliction I do. It doesn't discriminate. So why does AA seem to be shunned by a lot of people? Is it because the media has glamorized addictions? I mean in Hollywood if you have a problem you can check into numerous rehabs, some with spa like ammenities. Or you could be on "Celebrity Rehab?" or in and out of rehab like Lindsey Lohan? Do people think we're just a bunch of bums sitting around in a church basement? Or is it the work? The twelve steps? I think for some people they just want to stop drinking. They don't want to know the reason they drink. Just stop the action and that will be enough. But is it? I was thrilled when I found some insight to why I did what I did. Now I know to stay away from certain behaviors or situations that could cause an urge to reach for alcohol. I can get to a meeting, pick up the phone, completely remove myself from an environment that may not be healthy. In Augusten Burrough's memoir of drinking "DRY" he is confronted by his coworkers who want him to get help. He thinking he's really going to stick it to them and asks to go to rehab at a place for homosexuals in Duluth Mn. He is envisioning a spa like atmosphere, perhaps meeting a new companion, etc. When he arrives he is in shock. The facility is old, most of the letters missing on the sign. The inside is worse. A steril undecorated atmosphere with cafeteria food included. However after resisting for a while he starts to learn something about himself. He starts to make a few friends, and he stops drinking. When he heads back to New York and unlocks his apartment door he is shocked by what he sees. Almost every square inch is covered in empty bottles. Gone is the glamorization of drinking. Sure a cleverly decorated martini glass filled with booze and a bunch of girlfriends living it up after work certainly looks more fun than sitting in a dimly lit room talking with people who are struggling with a disease that too often runs their lives. To me I never bothered with those differences. I was just to happy to find the similarities. I am no different than anyone else that sits in those rooms. My brand of alcoholism wasn't any more special than yours. I simply choose to stop the maddness, stop the chaos. So when I feel that snubbing, or that dismissal of a AA, the program that has given me so much, I try not to let it bother me. I know it works. I see the miracles it performs on a daily/weekly basis. But instead of saying something out loud, I simply think in my head, "well, when you are ready to really get serious, I'll be here, and AA will welcome you with open arms". Any thoughts?.....