Once I was riding a bike
down four lanes of traffic,
I have visited homes
more than once, just a few
days ago I was in high school,
and if I'm lucky I get to see
people that have passed,
I can smell the fried eggs and bacon, and
see my grandma smile once more....
Lately I've had very vivid dreams. So real that I need to think about them upon wakening to make sure they weren't real events. I do love the one's with my grandparents, I miss them so much, and the ones that are all mixed because they are entertaining. However I did not want to go through high school again! :) Have a great weekend.....
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Strange title isn't it? We had two mice named Suki and Fergie. Sweet little white mice, sweet in nature, and fun as pets. A few weeks ago, Fergie passed, and not to have Suki all alone we adopted Clara and Lutcey. Well we knew Suki's time was short lived and we do believe she suffered a small stroke, for the last few days of her life she seemed to be paralyzed on one side. We came home last Thursday and Suki was stiff. Her tiny feet frozen in time, breathing no more. Grace was in full drama mode, running to the pantry, getting a zip lock bag, preparing to place her in the freezer chest with Fergie so we can have a proper buriel in the spring. As I sealed the bag and said good bye to our little friend, Grace insisted on being the one to place her in the freezer. I heart her telling Suki that she was healthy now, and that she would be with Fergie. I thinking that this was going to be a "teachable" moment was busy trying to think of words of wisdom that I could impress upon her. All of a sudden I heart her racing up the basement stairs shouting, "Mom, mom, look what I found! A can of frozen pink lemonade! Can we make it? Can we mom?" So much for wisdom and grief. I guess it doesn't take much to excite our family! :) Winter has been long. Piles of snow lay everywhere and it was below zero again this morning. No wonder people feel depressed. A person needs a certain amount of sunshine in their bones. Last night at the Master Gardener's class our lesson dealt with turf, and fertilizer. It was so hard to imagine the thick, green carpeted surfaces they spoke of. How I long for spring, for a patch of grass. Last year the winter flew by and in part I think because I was a newcomer into AA. There was so much to learn and do, and now this year, it's more quiet. I no longer meet with my sponsor unless I need to, and to tell the truth I haven't been hitting too many meetings due to schedule/sickness conflicts. I feel a big off balance and seem to be searching for the answer to show up right in front of my face. I don't deal with depression well, it just makes me want to sleep. So if any of you have a suggestion or to to beat the winter "blahs" let me know, I could really use a few right now......
Sunday, February 27, 2011
At Thursday's "We are Not Saints" AA meeting, a good friend of mine talked about being asked by a newcomer :"what does your God look like". My friend said this question really through him for a loop. He didn't know how to answer and had a hard time explaining. He said he never really had thought what his God/HP looked like. It was more of a feeling, a presence but to put a visual to it was really stumping him. As the discussion went from person to person we each had our own interpretations of what we felt our God was like. To me I said part of the unknown went with belief. We are to believe in a power greater than ourselves. This power would do for us what we could not do for ourselves. I do not put a picture of what my God looks like. My God is a power, a presence, a feeling that goes with me wherever I go. My sponsor made an interesting point when she said as a girl growing up she always felt God was up, up in the sky, as many of us our taught. It wasn't until she came to believe in God through the program of AA that she realized God wasn't up in the clouds but right inside her heart. Her whole being encompasses her God. I love that image.If we are to have an intimate relationship with our God than it would make sense that we would want God as close to us as possible, not a million miles away. Another person spoke of finding God before he found the program of AA. He was serving time in jail, and that's when he gave his heart to God. It wasn't until months later that a couple of people came to the jail and asked if anyone wanted to have an AA meeting. He knew that God had designed it to be so, he was already filled with the Lord, the rest came easy. It was an awesome meeting. My whole live when I've been involved with churches and religion I always felt like people were trying to influence my thoughts, actions, beliefs, but being able to choose a God of my understanding helped me to take away the "untouchable" of God that I had been raised with. He was suddenly within reach, and I had to trust, and believe that he would walk every step of the way with me. What I didn't realize was that he had taken every step with me my whole life. Waiting patiently for me to get my act together, he must have gotten tired of waiting and decided to come and get me. How different my life was not so long ago. I now watch people actively drinking, the chaos, the pain, the control it has on their lives. I am at awe of the destruction it can lead to, and how people settle for this being the norm. I did for many years. Wasn't everyone leading this kind of mixed up life? What is normal. At one time I didn't have a definition of normal, now it's simplicity. I spent this past weekend finally getting our bedroom decorated and put back together. I choose many things that I felt really reflected the person I've become. I had no idea how they would all work together but they did. I put on some Norah Jones, and spent 12 hours working until it was all done. It's beautiful. Classy, soft, and a sanctuary from a busy life. Hubby got home from his weekend away and really likes it. It was a complete change from all that I used to have that I thought represented me. I have a good friend in AA that likes to say over and over "life works best when I just keep it simple". I couldn't agree more, I've noticed that life gets crazy when I don't keep it simple, and the same goes for my relationship with God. No I do not know what my God looks like. I don't have to. He resides within me, and I know what to do, and when I do what I need to do and keep it simple, my God comes shining through for everyone to see......