Skipping town.....

As my husband and two youngest were traveling to a birthday party I called my husband on the cell phone and said, "When you get done with the party let's head up to the cottage for the night. I'll get everything ready, and don't tell the kids so we can surprise them." He agreed and they were so excited when they came home and saw the cooler, and the bags ready to go! Our fifteen year old and his best friend even graced us with their presence, leaving the world of iphone, ipods, and computers behind. We are so fortunate that my parents own a beautiful cottage only an hour and fifteen minutes from our home. They were also up their with there little dog, so it was a full happy place. The teenagers headed out on the lake, and the rest of us got busy preparing dinner. How wonderful to sit around a camp fire, the sky clear with bright stars, an owl in the distant. The loons are out, and I'm sure having babies soon, if not already. I love their long lonesome cry. It was wonderful to lay in bed and be lulled asleep by the sound of the spring "peepers". I'm used to the sounds of the city: cars, ambulances, nothing quite so peaceful. And no street lights, just darkness. Sunday morning we sat in the sun and had coffee, the older kids slept in, and our two youngest were busy making a mote for their sand castle. I was very relaxed. Then of course you have to pile back in the car, and head for reality. Laundry, weeding the gardens, getting ready for school....life on life's terms. Last week was exhausting. So many ups and downs, sadness and joy. The death of a fellow AA member, the birth of a new baby boy for our neighbor's. The cycle of life. My sponsor and I started working the fifth step. I read through my fourth, shared my lists, and when she left, felt totally spent. How wonderful to lay it all out. She said something to me that had never occured to me before. I was talking about feeling inferior to certain people in my past and current life and she said, "I want you to understand that no one can make you feel anything. You are the only one who can make yourself feel. If you felt inferior, or not good about yourself it's because you were buying into someone else's garbage". It's about your reaction, your response." This hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right. The trip down memory lane had trigured a lot of yuky feelings that I had buried for quite some time. Did you catch the "I"? Yes, it was me, letting myself get sucked in. I have a choice on how to react, how to feel, and I can say 10 out of 10 times I reacted the wrong way. Just realizing this has opened my eyes so much. It never dawned on me that I could choose to react differently. That I didn't have to feel the way that person wanted me to feel. It's my choice. I love that. It's my choice. Your life really begins to change when you realize that you can control your reactions, that you can think through something, that you don't have to make yourself a victim to someone else's agenda. I felt a lot of little doors slam close from the past, and a bigger, brighter door for the future open up........