Similarities.....

I met with my nutritionist last night, and much to my surprise have actually lost a few pounds. Many people thought I was crazy taking on the problem of my weight while entering recovery. However the girl I see has much experience with alcoholism. She grew up with an alcoholic parent and Al-Anon has been a large portion of her life. We have a great rapport with each other, and she has seen many positive changes in me. What was really evident to me last night was that I no longer viewed my weight or eating habits as an "all or nothing" program. I have started to make healthier choices, added more physical activity into my days, and started to have a much more positive body image than I ever did in the past. Even five years ago when I lost a bunch of weight and wore a size 3 I still felt fat. No wonder I gained all the weight back and some more, I sabotaged myself. As I dug deeper in my fourth step, I noticed that this was a pattern with myself. Even when I have success, I never let myself enjoy it. Like a fear that I could be happy. But I am happy with the fact that for the first time in my life I'm getting comfortable in my body. So I have curves! I'm not tiny anymore! But it's ok, my husband doesn't seem to mind. Intimacy isn't a problem for him, but it sure was for me. I set standards I could never reach. I felt I had to look great in order to be desirable to anyone. This created a lot of distance in my marriage, and all because I set expectations I couldn't meet. As our conversation progressed we spoke about how the lessons you learn in AA cross over constantly into life. Once I began to have self worth, I started making healthy eating choices. For anyone who struggles with weight this is a big step. Stop the insanity, try something new. Before I just tried diet after unsuccessful diet. You have to change the cycle, grow, and try something new. Even my nutritionist uses the steps she learned in Al-Anon. She recently ended a relationship with someone who wasn't willing to admit that they had a problem with alcohol. She said this was very hard to do because she wanted to help the person, change them, etc. but she had to let them make this decision on their own. As tough as it was to walk away she kept saying to herself, "the courage to change the things I can"....and she was able to move on. I love the Serenity prayer, small, and yet packed with endless knowledge. I can't even imagaine my life without those three concepts. I do know that without acceptance, courage and wisdom my live would be filled with chaos, and I've lived in chaos long enough.......