Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Spirituality, "Firsts", Blips in the road......and death

Due to my oldest son taking Driver's Ed., I had to switch some of my AA meeting times. I love the usual group that I attend but had to go to a different meeting last night. There were only four of us. Hmmmmm, I kept wondering how this was going to work, how could this be helpful or inspiring? As with all things God's timing is perfect. One of the people had been struggling with spirituality. They needed help. They had never known God, except for a few visits to church when they were little. They wanted to know who God was, how they could reach him, how they could feel him etc... The rest of us all gave our own thoughts on God. What was amazing is that even though they were all different, they all shared common threads. God is loving, God is forgiving, he does it in his time, you have to work at your relationship to him, trust, have faith, and just let him come in and fill you up. It was a great meeting, for just four people we filled an hour and had a very moving discussion. This person said they felt so much better, and had a better understanding of finding God. We really can be a witness to God on a daily basis. How awesome and how empty our lives would be without him. This journey for me would not be possible if he wasn't walking it every step of the way with me. Just like he attended a dinner party with Charles and myself the other night. I was nervous, it's been a long time since I've gone to a party without a little liquid encouragement beforehand. And I was fine. It was a "first" as we say in AA. Alcohol is all around us, and we have to learn to live with it. I now have a few tools in which to do that. As for blips in the road?! Well lets just say my husband and I have hit a pretty big speed bump. He's trying to sort out all his feelings and this has made him distant and very unloving towards me. As an alcoholic, I want to control and fix him right away. But I have to step back. He's an adult, he needs to reach out on his own. I am here but when he wants to talk. I can't let him be codependent anymore. This is really hard. A friend told me the other day, "Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone else is to leave them alone." I'm taking that advice. And it sucks for a yapper like me. My recovery comes first. I need to put the stick that I beat myself with away, and stop trying to recover in one day, and let God set the pace. Wow, so much to learn. On a sad note, I found out that a relative I have not seen in years has passed away. They were 43, and a terrible drug and alcohol addict. That is the seriousness of this disease. It will eventually kill you. It may be quickly or slowly but death will come. That thought scares me's a selfish disease, when you choose the bottle over your own life. Like ripples in a pond, everyone gets touched by your choice sooner or later. Give a moment of silence today for those that still suffer, it maybe someon you care about very much.....

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