Sunday, February 28, 2010

Being 17 again!

Meeting with your sponser is great. You get to peel off the top of your head and peek in. Right now mine is a bit like alphabet soup. However my sponsor revealed something to me that was incredibly mind opening and mind blowing. My oldest child was sick on Thursday and Friday. So sick that he had to have an x-ray at urgent care due to the horrible pain he was in. We had caught it in time and the Dr. prescribed antibiotics. Friday night came and he was feeling better so I let him curl with his friends for the Silverspoon tournament. It was heavy on my mind because I knew I probably should have kept him home, but he didn't want to disappoint his friends. This I could understand. So I remarked to my sponsor that I had to pick him up and was afraid my parents were going to get after me for letting him play. My sponser then inquired if I put a lot of emphasis on what my parents, brothers, peers, bosses etc. thought about my choices. I said I did, and that I still felt like I was a little kid. We then explored when I first started drinking. It was 17 and I was escaping a bad break up. My girlfriend who was in college took me to a party and I figured out alcohol was a great way to ignore the pain and have a great time. "That's it", she said "you are caught at 17". "You still feel like a child. Even though you're grown up, have children of your own, own a home, have a good responsible job, you still feel like a teenager in your mind. You feel like you have to answer for your decisions, you can be talked down to because you don't think you are old enough to be talked to with respect". What an aha moment. It all made sense. She also pointed out that one of the reasons my 15 year old and I get along so well is that I can relate to him, I'm actually only two years older than him. Well one of our goals is to get me to my biological age this year. To find out who this 41 year old woman is and leave the 17 year old behind. It's not everyday that you find out you're seventeen but to tell the truth I'm much more anxious to be 41! Say good-bye to adolesence and hello to adulthood!

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