Stormy weather......

Yesterday was a mess in the midwest. Heat and violent storms. At one point during the afternoon I looked out of my office door and the hallway was black as night. Shortly after the first batch of storms struck we lost our phones and computers. Neither were restored until 8:00 am this morning. So all my projects have now been moved to today. I am thankful that we only have this type of weather once in a while as I know some locations deal with it all summer long. Yesterday when I went to the mailbox I found a letter addressed to our oldest son from the superintendent of our school district. Alex has been nominated by a teacher to participate in a leadership program. He has to apply and 30 students will be selected from all the area high schools. Then he would attend a leadership camp in the fall and various other activities throughout the school year, graduating the program in the spring. He then will be eligable for a $500.00 a year scholarship from our local university of Wisconsin college. Of course there is a cost involved but he wants to apply. I think it would be a great opportunity for him. One area that we've had to work on besides his dyslexia is his self-confidence. He was so shy as a child, and unsure, partly from his learning disability. He has come a long way since then so we will try to make this happen for him. After he went off to his room with the letter I thought of myself at his age. I was so unfocused. I didn't have a clue. The only things I was concerned with were boys, clothes, friends, and partying. And I came from a great family. I just blew responsibility off. I thought that maybe by 18 the responsibility fairy would come and wave her magic wand and I would instinctively know what to do. So I partied my way through high school, and then college for two years. Dropped out, went home, got a job, met my husband, had an inheritence, bought a brand new home, and had a baby etc.... all the time walking in a pink haze thinking "this is so easy".....well hmmmm by not being responsible, by not having to work or take charge of my future, I had to take the road less traveled and learn things the hard way. Life has not been easy in many areas so it's important to remember this when it comes to raising my own children. I've heard it said in the circles we travel, "well we don't care if so and so has a job, he should enjoy his high school years, I mean before you know it he'll have lots of responsibility". But I never learned that responsibility, I didn't want to and I certainly didn't think I had to. I always figured someone else needed to come along and clean up the mess. AA has laid the mess at my feet, and now I get to clean it up. There are days I dive right in, and others when I want to step over or around the mess. I don't feel like owning up to some of the mistakes I've made, but I will. Facing this will continue to provide humility, ownership, self-worth and growth. If I could do it over again I would of course do things differently but since that isn't going to happen I need to choose what I am going to do today. It's also made me realize that as mother along with my husband we need to offer guidance, and chances to be responsible. I certainly didn't think that I would finally be getting my act together at 41, but that's the way it is. My children will set their own destinies and courses but if I can help by blowing a little wind of knowledge their way I will. Stormy weather is no fun to go through unless there's a chance of sunshine when it's all over......