Wednesday, July 28, 2010
My life on the D- list.....
Well today is the day we sign some paperwork at the bank and I could tell even before I talked to my husband that a storm was a brewing. And it hit! Full force we went at it. Now I'm not big on knock down drag out fights but I will say I think they have their place and last night was no exception. If things had to be said, they were said. What was amazing is right before all this happened I had talked with my sponsor. She could tell I had a lot going on so I shared with her and she reminded me that change was occuring. To not be afraid of it, but meet it head on and trust that my HP would have my back. So when my husband and I started talking which lead to the big battle for once I didn't stand there and cry. I stood my ground, which I think surprised him. I refused to be the scapegoat and took my responsibility for my part, but not taking responsibility for it all. This was growth. During the worst part of our argument when the voices were really raised I had a fleeting glimpse of being in the eye of a hurricane and it was briefly peaceful and calm. I think my HP was sending me a message. When all was said and done a lot was cleared off the table. Anger is an emotion. It needs to be let out. I used to try to just avoid it, now I no longer fear it. And of course that wasn't the only thing going on in the household. My oldest son is very sick. He couldn't keep anything down, not even water. Finally around 11:00pm he was able to sip a little water. My dad came and picked up Grace and Sam for the night, and poor Alex was just plain miserable. This morning it was tired politeness in the house. But I will take it. Not everything has to be solved in a day. So it's back to the bank for budgeting and to the library for books on finances. I'm taking money tips from everyone so if you have any, feel free to share. We also had severe weather last night (actual thunderstorms not the severe weather going on in our house), and my boss had a huge tree fall on her home. What a mess. I feel like I'm in the middle of a storm this week. Winds are whipping all around me, but I'm going to take the advice of a friend, let God be my compass, and focus on the calm in the middle........
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Oooooo - tough stuff. Anger is hard. I learned to stuff it and that didn't serve me well. Kudos to you for feeling it and addressing it appropriately! I went to DA meetings (Debtors Anonymous) and worked with a DA sponsor to put together a healthy budget. That worked well for me. Hope your son feels better :)
ReplyDeletei agree...if relationships are really engaging there will be tension...T and I wrote out some fight rules for when we 'get into it' that help us wade through the tough issues...
ReplyDeleteIts hard to find a time where we need true partnership and cooperation where a couple is completely in sync when it comes to money troubles or sex troubles (least in my experience anyway...maybe others are different) so I'm glad there's a God to be all powerful in those situations. Otherwise I'd be screwed.
ReplyDelete:)
My third attempt: Now I do not remember what was in the first two comments--grin!
ReplyDeleteSeems like "Letting go and letting God: is a good, and timely way to handle things, since in the final analysis, what God wants, is what will be done anyway...
PEACE!
Thank you for coming by steveroni...always with support and encouragement.
I'm the worst with money but my Papa sent me the Financial Peace Planner by Dave Ramsey. I've yet to use it but I have looked through it and it seems cool, it gives you budget sheets and stuff and it's a Christian based book also.
ReplyDeleteYep, sometimes we must simply "Let go, and let GOD" do it for a change. After all, what God wants will happen anyway, in the final analysis...
ReplyDeletePEACE!
You are so nice to come by my place and comment.
Sounds like a lot of progress to me. I can tell you from experience that your marriage will go through many growing pains as you recover. The storms will pass, and as long as you keep God in the center as you have, miracles will take place slowly over time. You guys are going through a huge transition. I do not have financial advice but I can tell you that you are doing wonderfully in my book.
ReplyDeleteahhh yes, the whirling dervishes of life have you surrounded. I can relate so very much to what you're sharing and how you're feeling. Try to remember to have faith that all of this stuff happens for a reason and that you can see this through and remain sober, and even at peace :-)
ReplyDeleteGod Bless!
I don't like saying hurtful things when I am angry which is what I did before recovery. Now I do my best to remain calm and not sling mud. It is hard when the alcoholic can twist everything to be my fault. Tough to stay sane in the midst of that hurricane.
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