Thursday, June 10, 2010

There's not enough of "mom" to go around.....

Last night when I was at the gym (yes you read right, I joined a gym and spend an hour there each day) I was on the eliptical machine watching "The Middle". This is one of the few programs I watch because I can so relate to this crazy midwestern family. Last night Frankie the mom just needed 15 minutes to herself, so she took a 15 minute break in the employee bathroom and as pathetic as that sounds I can understand it! It's been a crazy week as usual and last night was no exception. My oldest has suddenly become interested in his appearance. I knew it was only a matter of time before this would happen but I was hoping we could skim by for another few months. So we hit the mall. I have to say I am not a fan of malls! When I shop I like to go in, get what I need and leave. But I must say we shopped pretty efficiently and budget friendly. He got some awesome clothes. Now he looks like he's ready for college, the clothes are more trendy and not six sizes too big like he normally wore. But don't forget we had the two youngest along who almost had me crazy asking if they could look at this, if they could buy that, and my daughter wanted clothes and jewelry for a 16 year old. Quite frankly my mind could not multitask three different conversations at once. Well we managed to get out of there and then we decided to get something to eat. Next came the debate of where. My two youngest love The Mint diner but my oldest wanted Chinese. Since I love sushi I was trying not to be biased, but I did use my mother power by saying, "last time we went to the Mint, so maybe this time we should let Alex have chinese"...and it worked. Then we spent the next half hour figuring out the year people were born so we could read the Chinese Zodiac. Needless to say I dropped them off and headed for the gym. It's now 7:30 and I am still dressed up for work. So as I was sweating off some frustration and watching The Middle I realized "I'm not alone". There are so many mothers just like me. Long on lists to do and short on time. We tend to do everything for everybody and leave very little for ourselves. People become co-dependent on us and we become five seconds from crazy. I have spread myself way too thin on many occasions, which in turn left me exhausted, stressed out, and in need of a drink. So what's changed? Well not too much in the business of life, it's the season of my life, children at different ages and stages. One thing I had to realize early on was that my life wasn't going to slow down so I needed to figure out how I was going to deal with it. I started taking some time for me every day. Even if it's just 15 minutes, it's for me, and about me for those 15 minutes. I've started to delegate more to my husband and learned to appreciate his help even though he may not do things the way I would, I say thank you. My children have taken on small chores of their own. And I've learned to say NO! When the phone rings with one more person asking me to do one more thing I don't want to do I say no. No amount of guilt or shame is going to make me over book myself any more. Sobriety is exhausting but carrying your old habits and ways is self destruction. Try something new is my motto, if it didn't work before move on. The program of alcoholics anonymous begins to teach you how to prioritize, how to set boundaries, how to value yourself. So yes, there are still days when there's not enough "mom" to go around, but on those days I know when to slow down, I know when to use the word no, and I know when to walk into the bathroom, lock the door and take 15 minutes to regroup. It's like the add says: Paint $50.00, Accessories $80.00 a place to go and get your thoughts together: priceless.......


  1. whew don't I know it! I often do my prayer and meditation in the shower because it's the most private room in the house! Setting boundaries and keeping them is so important and I'm learning so much more about doing so from the program of AA. But no matter what happens, every now and then it can't hurt to lock the bathroom door and just have some alone time with me and my HP :)

  2. Good for you. They say it's a selfish program - who knew we'd need help being 'selfish'? LOL

  3. It reminds me of First Things First and Keep It Simple. I'm glad to not be as overwhelmed as I was when working. Now I have choices about what to be overwhelmed about.