Monday, May 10, 2010

My least favorite character defect......

I know I've mentioned before that I'm competitive. But yesterday I found myself being petty because of it. I struggle to be always genuinely happy for people when things seem to be really going their way. It's about a couple that we know that good things seem to be happening to them a lot lately. It bugs me. Yes, I know that's petty but I'm shooting for the truth here. So I let it bother me all day yesterday. And you know my mind it starts racing on how I can have all these great things happen to me, and how I can one up them. This has been a wonderful trait that I have dealt with for years, but it left me crabby yesterday. I let it dictate my mood. I found by the afternoon I wasn't liking myself at all. So I slowly started changing my mood. Before I would have drank because then I would have felt better, like there might be control in it for me. But now I know what little if any control I have. One thing that helped was my husband and oldest son went to a movie. I put the two smaller children to bed, and then I took some time for me. By the time my husband got home I was in a much better frame of mind. I was reading in bed, and he came in and we talked, and he asked to see my three month coin, and I realized how stupid I had been. But I am glad I went through this yuky emotion because it made me aware of the fact that I can have emotions, that I can look at myself truthfully, and that I can get through it without alcohol and end the day on a better note than it started. That's growth for me. That and the fact that I'm not dwelling on it for days and days. Once again tools for living. I can honestly say this is one character defect that I am very ready for God to remove. It does not serve me well, and it gets me nothing. So lesson learned. I guess you can say it was a Mother's Day gift from myself, and who would have thought that a little growth could mean so much......


  1. happy ending,
    you have gotten your husband's attention,
    you learned stuff on your own...
    You are blessed!
    Happy Monday to you!

  2. good job taking that time and realising the pregress you have made...we wil face challenges along the way, its relying on what we know to be true that helps us through....

  3. On these blogs is just one more place I can dump my crapola, and YOU do it well. Another way for me to "take stock" (inventory)...and then, talk it out with my sponsor.

    It is supportive to look sometimes, and see that I have made some progress. You have gotten through one of those periods (90 days) during which MANY decide they have more "alcohol research" in their future.

    Personally, I LOVE it! (Your sobriety--and mine!
    And that of everyone else!!!)

  4. congrats on your 90 days, that's HUGE!!! yay for you and HP! Sometimes we have to take a step or two back in order to move forward... AA never told us anything about becoming perfect, just that we'd make spiritual progress. And, to be able to make such an honest appraisal of a "sly dog" character defect like petty jealousy and competitive-ness at 3 months sober is what I would call spiritual progress... keep going, keep coming back.

  5. Sounds like humility to me - tell me more about this strange state, it sounds pleasant . . . ;)

  6. Glad that things got readjusted in your attitude after spending time alone. Sometimes space just helps.