Ramblings.......

I can't think of an appropriate title for today's post so I will just ramble. I hope everyone had a lovely Easter. The weather was beautiful. Friday my sponsor and I worked through the third step. I was feeling good as I always do after one of our long sessions. Went to bed early and then Saturday came and with it a huge fight with my husband. There was a misunderstanding which led to much discussion, accusations, tears, and me spending most of the day in our bedroom crying. It sucks when you get to hear things about yourself that you don't want to hear. I knew it would come sooner than later. I had to face some harsh facts about things I have done over the years, and the reality that maybe my husband doesn't want to stay with me. So I escaped to the bedroom to cry and I mean a river of tears, and then to reflect on what had been said. I had to take responsibility for what I had done. I dissected, took a good hard look at myself and then rose out of bed, washed my face, adjusted my attitude and got back into the game. And yes, I gave it all up to God. Just handed the whole mess up to him, and said, "thy will be done". The rest of the day was very nice and ended with my husband and I watching our favorite John Wayne movie together:"The Quiet Man". Easter morning broke with our two youngest racing through the house looking for their baskets and asking for clues. Church was beautiful and for once I didn't cry all the way through it. As we were waiting for the service to begin I was able to observe my children. My oldest and his best friend, softly talking and smiling. I couldn't believe how long my son's eye lashes are. I don't know if he will ever know how grateful I am for all the support he gives me. He is so mature at times, and has been the voice of reason for me on more than one occasion. He takes it in stride and is a good example for me to learn from. My middle child, so militant, he loves order and schedules, and then my daughter in her pretty dress, nylons, and sparkling shoes. She carries herself well and seems to have the soul of a 40 year old. I want to capture their youth for years to come. We had a lovely dinner at my parent's house. Lots of playing outside, the dogs running, a great meal, and laughter over pie. Then it was home to get lunches packed, backpacks organized, showers, and bedtime. My husband and I were even able to watch "Sherlock Holmes" and share some popcorn. Small wonderful changes that mean the world to me. Just not carrying around to much worry and stress. Being able to give an issue to God, even if I have to give him the same problem 10 times a day, it's a release. I now begin the fourth step. My sponsor said, "Reflect, remember, and when the urge hits start writing". Of course my perfectionist mind starts panicking,"how will I remember everything?" and then she tells me, "Do the most thorough job you can, and as more is revealed to you, you can always do another". The pressure just released. So today starts a new day, a new week. One day at a time. I've been so busy in my yard and gardens, that I've ignored my nightly routine of journaling, listening to music, and reading. So tonight I will put on a little "Diana Krall" (Quiet Nights) and journal then read. I find when I take a few minutes for me, my mind stays less jumbled, and more focused. Who knows what lies ahead, but I'm no longer afraid to find out.......