Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A pinch of this, a dash of that.....

Middle of the week. Wednesday brings the AA women's meeting. A small group of ladies who share, laugh, cry and learn from each other. Last week we discussed small details like friends acting weird around you when they are drinking, and if you should take wine or grapejuice at communion. One lady had two funny stories about each: When she was up North with her in-laws for the first time after becoming sober, she went in the other room and heard her mother-in-law say in a very loud whisper: "Hey anyone want a quick drink while so-in-so is out of the room?" she laughed at it now but was really ticked off when it happened. Then she had spoken with her pastor about her alcoholism and communion. Her pastor said it was up to her and he would keep it discreet. So on the day of communion she kneels down and this pastor says in not such a quiet voice, "Since you're not drinking anymore do you want me to run and get you the grape juice?!" She said she was so stunned that it took her a few seconds to notice that all eyes seemed to be on her. The little things that can pose such big questions when you decide to become clean and sober. I remember thinking, "what if I want to make my famous garlic chicken? it calls for two cups of white wine?" What if I'm shopping for a dinner and someone from AA sees me buying wine for my guests....what about communion? do I take the wine if I'm able to see it as the "body and the blood" or do I stick to grape juice to be safe?!" When I first came into AA, I wanted an instruction booklet. The kind with a section on "Frequently asked questions?" It wasn't until I was a few weeks into the program that I realized using the tools that you are being given helps to make sound decisions on what you need to decide on. Following my gut instinct, asking God what he wants me to do helps those small details seem minute. I never realized how big I made things seem. At times I feel like I'm my shadow,stepped away from myself and looking at my actions and habits for the first time. I am learning to be very truthful with myself and it's not always pretty. But if I'm truly in my program I can be objective and learn from my past mistakes. That is such a blessing. I remember in my high school history class a sign that hung on the wall which said :"Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it". I repeated a lot of the same stupid mistakes over and over again. Now I finally appreciate that quote.

My son's visit to the orthodontist went well. He has a lot of work to be done but I liked the Dr. and we are going to get started as his cross-bite is damaging a number of bottom teeth. I spoke with the girl who handles the finances and we went over insurance coverage, downpayments, and monthly payments. It's going to be affordable after all. I love when I hand it up to God and he just takes care of it all. After a quick stop at Barnes and Noble, I arrived at home to a message from a friend of mine. I called her back and she told me that she and her husband are expecting their second child in November. I sat with this person many times as she sobbed by one failed attempt after another. Fertility tries, finding out her husband had physical issues, and then when she had finally given up after 8 long frustrating years, she became pregant with their first child. I was so happy to hear her news. We caught up on our familie's "goings on" and I realized that I really like the point at which I am in my life. I love babies, but I do not want to care for one at my age. I enjoy my children's thoughts, dreams, conversations, etc....I have left one stage behind and moved into another, and that's OK, life is what you make of it, and right now,just for today, my life is good.......

1 comment:

  1. I too was paranoid about cooking with wine, etc. I would be too over protective. Finally, my wife just said, no need for such a fuss--just let me deal with things. So I let that go. It felt great.