Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's in the eyes.......

I noticed she was new. Sitting quietly on the end. Eyes darting back and forth, a nervous laugh, a quick smile. I extended my hand, introduced myself, she did the same and we exchanged a quick "hello". At the meeting we were all laughing, and sharing, and nodding, and shaking our heads in agreement when someone shifted in their seat and said, "You haven't spoken yet?" She looked surprised and replied, "I didn't plan on talking, I might cry, but....oh well here goes...." and out played the stories so many of us have heard, lived, and known only too well. A double addiction, crack and alcohol, single parent, jail time, removal of daughter from the home, poor choices, bad consequences, giving it up, white knuckling addiction and on and on and then she locked eyes with mine and the understanding from one parent to another poured out....I saw it in her eyes. My eyes said the very same thing a few months ago. "I've got to stop, I can't do this anymore, where do I go?,what do I do?, am I too far gone to start again"?! The desperate plea of someone who wants so badly to quit, to end the insanity, and all too often the small voice in the head that says, "forget it, it's too late now....you might as well not even start". I noticed her daughter's picture laying on the table in front of her and I picked it up. Another beautiful innocent child affected by the addictions of a parent. I knew what she was feeling, anger, guilt, worry, and self doubt. I calmly looked at her and told her something that someone first told me, "You owe it to yourself, to give yourself the best possible life that you can have, and you owe it to your daughter to be the best mom that you can, and you can have all of that if you are willing to work this program." That's when I saw it, that tiny glimmer of hope, you know when your mind thinks for a split second that anything is possible, that maybe this time....I smiled and said what so many people had said to me, "Keep coming back"....she smiled and said, "I will". I'm praying she will. You see so many people come and go, try for a while and then disappear, some make it back in, some don't. Everyone's journey is just that...their journey. I've had to to hand so many things over to my higher power. This is one of them. I can't convince her to stay, to work, I can't give her the will to make it, but I can give it over to my higher power and let him do his will....Keep coming back... I hope she does.....

4 comments:

  1. Great, great post. So glad you were there for her!

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  2. I'm glad that you were there to talk with her and to look into her eyes. I too hope that she keeps coming back. Hopefully she will want to do that.

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  3. keep coming back and hope are where recovery comes together... well done, I pray that she is ready!

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  4. http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/05/happy-birthday-christina.html

    thanks for the beautiful job!
    please visit me via the link for new meme or awards.
    10Q.

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