Tuesday, April 27, 2010
In the blink of an eye......
Right before I left work yesterday, I received a text from my sponsor informing me that one of our fellow AA members had been found dead in his apartment. I've been getting to know this particular gentleman at our Thursday night big book meetings. I know a bit about his story. Sober five years, divorced, two adolescent children, a huge advocate for the program and huge in service work. He was a large (as in tall) man with a larger than life personality. His big book showed it's love: broken spine, highlighting, written in margins, and dog earred pages. He called his fellow AA's "brother or sister" and was enthusiastic about trying to pass the program on to other's who still suffer. I can't believe he's gone. Just like that. I left work and headed straight for the Monday 5:30 meeting. For some reason I felt I should be there. There was much talk, much remembering, and much shock. Many faces held looks of disbelief. How? Why? so young.....So the "tools" that I spoke of yesterday came in handy when trying to sort through all the circumstances that have been happening lately. Before I would have consoled myself, by numbing myself. Always easier to deal with pain when you can't feel it. But last night I consoled myself with the tasks of life. Fixing dinner, discussing the day with my children, cleaning, packing lunches, talking to my husband etc....these small rituals provided a great deal of comfort. Who knew?! It's funny but when you are drinking, life seems to be endless. I never gave much thought to dying, I mean really I had all the time in the world. Now within a matter of days two people very near my age have died. It makes me question my own mortality. I guess I was just hoping that when you sobered up it gave you or came with a guarantee of a long happy life. I tend to forget that there is no guarantee in life and it can end as fast as it gets started. Another good lesson for me, not to take things for granted. All the wonderful things of today need to be celebrated and noticed just in case tomorrow never comes. I guess that's why they teach us to stay in today, this 24 hours we are in is what we have, the past is over, and tomorrow my not materialize.....sigh......
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I believe that there is an "after". I don't understand but I do believe. ::hugs::
ReplyDelete♥namaste♥
I am sorry. My sponsor always told me, "We walk on the bones of those that came before us." We can read the big book, go to meetings and talk the talk until the cows come home, but if we do not do that second and third step we are whistling in the dark. There is always a lesson.
ReplyDeleteA dear friend of mine in Al-Anon died on Sunday. We all reflected on what he gave to us last night. We don't know the day or the hour so it's best to make the most of the moment that we are in.
ReplyDeleteI didn't understand how true it was that I wouldn't know how important God was until God was all I had left.
ReplyDeleteI now know that AA has been a beautiful and wonderful catalyst to a relationship with God, and that relationship is what keeps me.
The sobriety was a side-effect for me. It came as the result of suddenly realizing how big and amazing God's perspective and world are and how Loving everyone is trying to be, even through all the defects.