Sunday, March 21, 2010

Fighting Back Tears........

Oh this growing is so hard! My husband is still non communicative about AA. I know this is my journey, my disease, but I want so badly to share it with him and he is still distant. Of course my insane alcoholic mind (the one that keeps repeating the same patterns over and over and expecting different results) handled the whole situation wrong this morning and of course it led to a blow up. I have decided to give this up to God. I am going to trust in his will for us. I need to stay in my recovery. Besides there are so many reasons to be thankful for even in the early stages of recovery. Clarity, calmness, appreciation for the smallest moments of joy. A wonderful sponsor to guide me, AA friends to support me as well as non AA members and family. And my dog Jack who loves me unconditionally. I am so glad God is always with me, he makes me strong even when things aren't right. And speaking of things, I'm at my besties house, and she is making us dinner, we are listening to some smooth jazz and sharing. This is good!
So for now my "sails" are flat, and I'm just coasting along....and that's ok......


  1. It took my husband a while to come around too. He lost his drinking buddy when I got sober, also, he was seeing all of this change in me and it was due to something he really did not understand and I was hanging with a bunch of "strangers" every night of the week. Turning my marriage over to God, as you have, was the first step towards serenity in my marriage. Be patient it takes a while! And hey, no one is perfect! Some days all we can do is NOT pick up a drink, and that is OK! Also, everyone kept telling me, "You may be the only Big Book he ever gets to see."
    (That one would always piss me off!)
    Reading the first two paragraphs on page 67 in the BB over and over again helped me very much too!
    God Bless!

  2. it's tough for a spouse to understand... stick with that sponsor and I agree with your plan to give it to God... stick with the plan!