Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Not the "ego" again!!!!

You know how annoying and irritating a fly can be? Well so can an ego! It's always popping up when you least need it. After spending a year in AA and working through the twelve steps I thought I had my little "ego" problem under control. So now I start working on my marriage and guess what the first chapter in my book is about? Taking your ego and setting it aside! I did that this past year, or wait did I just do it in some areas of my life? Ahhhh yes, that would be the right answer. I never set it aside with my partner. In fact I probably held onto it even stronger in our relationship because I was getting rid of it in so many other ares. Great, now what do I do? well I found a paragraph in my book that shed a little light on this subject:

"A good beginning is to put yourself into your partner's skin and feel what the relationship is like from that perspective. It's easy to act as if you are sure your view of things is right; the challenge is to give merit and value to the way your partner sees things. This requires seeing with his or her eyes, hearing with his or her ears, feeling what he or she feels in the very same moments and situations that you personally find challenging." from the book "Are you Roommates or Soul Mates? by Drs. Evelyn and Paul Moschetta.

Wow I never thought of doing that before. I mean when I say things, or do things, I automatically expect my husband to interpret those words and actions the way I'm thinking they are coming across. Of course I figure by now he should be able to read my mind. And let's not forget if he says something in a certain way and I take it differently than how he means it. I'm the first one to point out his flaws, his pettiness. What it boils down to is something that I learned about a year ago. It's not about me, it's not about my ego. Somewhere over the last 17 years we each drew a line in the sand and neither of us wants to cross over. It's so much easy to be territorial than it is to be kind. It takes work to see things from someone else's point of view. And how irritating to have that pesty ego back buzzing in my ear. However I know the truth in that paragraph. I need to take a look at things from my husband's point of view or I will continue to only see things from my perspective. Learning to be a "we" instead of a "me" is going to take some practice. So on that note I'm headed up to bed, to get a few extra ZZZZ's as I obviously have a lot of work to do : )


  1. GREAT work already!!
    Ego hurst us all unfortunately and you are working at letting it go. Good for you sista.

  2. keep practicing...and i really need to check out this book...

  3. Yes, it does take work to see things from another's perspective. I think of it as the golden rule--treat others as I would like to be treated.

  4. Well, I don't need a book on Ego--I've already got loads of it...oh WAIT! This is about getting RID of it--now THAT'S something I could use.

    Ya know, I got rid of it long ago in AA--but (as you found out) I got rid of it with certain people
    ...but not others--like...WIFE! Ha! Thanks.

  5. seeing something from another's perspective is truly challenging. It's what my hubby and I do in marriage counseling each month and I'm always astonished on how differently he views the world and certain situations. and no, he can't read my mind. and I can't read his even though I think I can!