Thursday, December 16, 2010

Take me out of myself......

Monday night was tough at our house. Tough because I let a few old habits sneak into my behavior. The nice thing about my family is that they didn't let it last too long. I came home bitchy. The dishes were piled in the sink, the kids had dumped their snow clothes in the middle of the floor, and my husband was lounging on the heating pad saying his back hurt. I felt like walking out the door, getting in the car and driving. This time of year has that effect on me. It carries an underlying adrenaline that I hate. Instead I made a sandwich, kissed my kids, and dashed off to the Monday night meeting. Guess what we read in the big book? The chapter about the housewife who drank at home. I'm pretty sure I wrote that testimony. All the feelings of lies, and shame, and covering up resurfaced. I was letting my emotions dictate my actions. One person whom I just want to take home and take care of because he's such a sweet person who is struggling so hard gave me a lesson that I soooooo needed. He works at the steel factory and he was talking about people bringing in their metals for cash. How his heart goes out to mothers who drive up in an old beater, with a child in a car seat, and stare at the scale hopeing it will be enough money to get what they need. He said he often helps them out as much as he can because their look is so desperate. Right then and there I was ashamed of my behavior. This person took me out of myself and had me look at someone else's worries for a change. So I thought about this for the rest of the evening,and when I went to bed I asked my HP to let me do his will. I asked him to once again take the reigns of my life, since I was doing my usual bang up job trying to control things. I asked him to open my eyes, my heart, to comfort my worries, and to let trust be my
guide. When I was finished, I felt a sense of calm, and lighteness. I also realized I am human and that I will have days like this. I do have a lot going on but I need to just do it, not build resentments,not feel sorry for myself. I'm worried about my son's surgery on Monday. That's a normal emotion. I've got a super busy weekend to get through but instead of letting it unfold I'm alreay trying to get past it. I am always amazed that just when I need a reminder the most my HP gives it to me, and this time it couldn't have come a moment too soon......


  1. Amen! I have often had what I call God winks.
    It is amazing how when we are paying attention our HP is subtly at work.

  2. i hear you...we will have days like that...and we need to give ourselves the same grace your family gave you...praying forthe surgery

  3. Sounds like me every 48hrs or so :) Although I am trying to get better. Thanks for your comment today, I read it at work and some of the stuff you said has stuck with me thru out the day. Things I hadnt thought of... so THANK YOU. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.