Sunday, December 12, 2010

Program first?!

At yesterday's meeting one of my fellow alcoholics made this statement. My "program comes first even before my family". Now dropping this statement in a room full of alcoholics caused not one person to blink an eye. However he went on to say that when he tells people this they think him rude, selfish, and totally out of touch. I have watched this person grow so much in the last few months, it's amazing. He is filled with gratitude, humility, and yet he knows he's one sip away from destruction. We all are. We were sitting opposite of each other so I gave him a smile and said "My name is Liz, I'm an alcoholic and I totally agree". However I put my higher power first, He does for me what I can't do for myself, then program, then family. You see if I remove program, or HP then I am right where I was 10 months ago. And that is no place I want to revisit. I truly believe my HP designed and timed my walk through those doors. I had no plan, just me trying to control the show, with drinking as my guide, and all I did was continue to make a disaster of things. So the difference that has changed my life completely is that HP is in control, and my program keeps me on the straight and narrow. With these two things in place, my family reaps the benefits. I am a sober partner who can be counted on, I'm a sober mother, who can multi-task like a super hero. I am fixer of all things broken, counselor to all things of the heart, and maker of the nightly dinner. These are awesome titles. Ones I am proud to live up to each and every day. This week was typical. With many highs and lows (in other words life). Our oldest son Alex got his driver's license on Wednesday. I must say those were 20 very long and nerve wracking minutes, and when he came in he had no expression on his face so it wasn't until they asked me to sign that I knew he had passed! I can't believe I have a child who is driving, and that the next day is snowed and rained so he was blessed with dry roads for his test. Thursday morning I spent three hours at the podiatrist with this same child who two weeks ago had complained of his right foot hurting. I figured this was nothing, they would probably tell him not to wear the Chuck Converse shoes he loves and we would be on our way. Nope, abnormal growth something, something. In easier terms, he has four beautifully straight toes and a pinky toe that is almost sideways. All I had to do was glance at the x-rays and I knew it was serious. So on December 20th. he goes in for surgery. They will remove some of the extra bone, manipulate the toe straight, place permanent metal pins in the toe and then he will have two weeks of almost no movement, and then another 6 to 8 weeks of recovery. So no driving, no curling season and right now he is in Madison Wisconsin playing at a varsity level curling Bonspeil, because he's doing so well. Bummer, but that's life. But then when we got home, we found a letter in the mailbox stating that this same child will be receiving a medal for his academic excellence freshman year! So up, and down. Friday our middle child Sam fainted while singing carols at the nursing home with his class. The best part was he wasn't even embarrassed because the fainting gave him notoriety for the day. Grace had a little friend sleep over, and for the first time I got to see just how much girls are different than boys. With boys you just need video games, and lots of food. These girls made a gingerbread house, painted nails, played with Barbies, and giggled most of the night. How sweet all these happenings are. Where they happening before? Sure but I was too self medicated to notice, to care. So for me my program has to come before family. I wouldn't have a family without my program. AA is a program for grown ups. Believe me I know, I went from 17 to 41 in a matter of months. This program is for people who want to live a rich, full life. To be in the moment, whether that moment is laughter, happiness, sadness or grief, I now live in the moment. And these are precious times.........


  1. What a wonderful post! I too sometimes look at my girls and all of the wonderful things (and mature) things they do at time and think to myself "wow! Has this been happening all along and I just missed it?"

    Obviously we know the answer :)

    Happy Sunday!

  2. Great blog entry!
    This is so approprate to me, I chaired a Gratitude meeting on the weekend and heard this exact statement from the 3 speakers (that AA comes before their families).
    I also believe that my God brought me to AA so it's my God, AA then everything else. I had tried AA before (1 meeting and some Big Book time) without God and it was a total waste. I avoided the Truth of what I am very well without God.
    Just wanted to thank you!

  3. nice. yeah the HP comes first and everything else follows for me...praying for the boy and the surgery...

  4. I hope that your son's surgery is successful. I love my family but also realize that humans are fraught with failure. I am only human and imperfect compared to God.