Monday, December 6, 2010

Self-Centered...

My sponsor and I spent some extra time in the AA Big Book last Thursday evening after our meeting. We focused on what I think to be one of mankind's biggest flaws: self-centeredness. Taking our part in things, looking at the past and figuring out what part we played. Of course before I came to AA I was a great martyr, and it was everyone else who was at fault not me. I was just the innocent bystander. I remember when one of my fellow members was listening to me talk a whole two weeks into the program. He kept nodding his head and finally he leaned towards me and said, "Yep you did a lot, but I bet you were the first person to bitch about it". I sat with my mouth opened speechless and finally I shut it. I didn't have a reply, because he was right. Like a DVD on rewind my mind flashed back to all my complaining and it was appalling. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Wow was I good at feeling sorry for myself. A twelve step program really helps you to take a walk away from your ego. To stand back and see yourself and your motives for what they really are. Do you do things for acollades? do you do them to make yourself look good? do you do things to please others? for approval? or do you do things because you want to and you don't need recognition, praise, or a thank you. You do it for all the right reasons. This is an area I need to work on. My sponsor pointed out that one of the ways to get out of yourself is to work with other. Sponsor another alcoholic. Getting involved, caring about people, feeling good with what you are doing, is an incredible way to bring you out of you. What's funny is this is an excellent way for all people to get rid of their self-centeredness. Addicts aren't the only people that could benefit from a 12 step program. But for now I need only worry about myself. To own up to my side of the street. I have grown in many ways but I also have a long way to go......

2 comments:

  1. nice...i can resonate with this...

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  2. I have to ask myself what my motives are every day. If I can answer honestly then I know that I am on the right track to make a decision.

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