Monday, October 4, 2010

Warning : Danger up ahead...

This is what I feel like. Like I'm in danger or to be more specific my program is in danger. September was an unusually busy month, and more than once I had to miss a meeting due to family or other obligations. The result is that my program is lacking, I've crossed back into some behaviors that I want to be done with, self doubt is creeping in, decisions are erradict, impulsiveness is present etc.......Danger lies ahead. I've heard so many people talk about this at meetings. That when they aren't actively working their programs and attending meetings they start to turn inward, to turn to their perseived power, walk away from their HP and try to do things on their own. This has happened to me lately. I feel flat. Like my shiny newness is gone. I was so confident that I was working my program to the best that I thought hitting one maybe two meetings a week was enough. I can tell I need more. Thursday evening a gal who I've gotten to know came to the meeting I lead, and confessed that she had relapsed. This lady since I've known her has just glowed. She's two years into the program and now her smile and her spirit are gone. She's frustrated, humiliated, confused, and her face is full of pain. It's at that moment that it hit me. Danger is just a second away. This gal brought this home to me very quickly the other night. Less I get to cocky in my program, because it would only take a second to wash it away. The people with the most sobriety in our club are the ones who regularly attend meetings many times a week. My own sponsor with 21 years of sobriety attends at minimum five meetings a week. I now know why. These keep reminding you where you came from and how little it would take to go back. I don't want to go back. If you have any advice or experience, hope, or wisdom that you can share in regards to the "danger zone" I would love to hear it. Hope you are all having a happy Monday.......


  1. the good news is you can get it back..but only if you make a plan to do so...

  2. Sounds like you know the solution.

    Here's something I do ...
    When I leave a meeting, I know ABSOLUTELY for sure when my next meeting is. Nothing short of a catastrophe will prevent my attendance.


  3. well, I know that sobriety is precarious at times, and dreadfully fragile. All I can say is that when I am feeing on thin ice, I talk to peeps in the program, double up on meetings and prayer and get active helping other AA's.

    For me, nothing in my life is more important than my sobriety. Everything that is important depends upon my sobriety! It's really that simple :-)

  4. As you know, I am not alcoholic. But I can tell when I have forgotten steps 2 and 3. I need to keep my conscious contact with God, my fellows, my sponsor, and myself through meetings, prayer and meditation.

  5. meetings and more meetings. If I don't get to 3 or more a week, I can tell. It is the getting there that is the hard part, ...hard not because I have small children, a busy schedule, and high fatigue levels, but hard because my alcoholism tells me that all of those things are good excuses for missing meetings. Cunning baffling and powerful that disease is for sure! Be on guard. Most of the time, I can tell when "it" is talking to me these days. I tell it to shut the f. up and get my butt into the car. Committing to service work (chair, set up, speak, make a committment to meet somone there or to give them a ride) always makes me get to that meeting, too.