Thursday, May 27, 2010

A little heartache for you...some issues for me.....

I had another "wild Wednesday" yesterday. An over packed and over booked middle of the week day. Just made it to my Women's meeting after working all day and my daughter having a late dentist appointment. So I arrived frazzled, hungry and tired. (I imagined what I would look like by now, a sober,serene, glowing complextioned woman who entered the room like a gentle breeze) lol! Not! I was just happy that I had put extra deodorant on yesterday and I'm sure half my eye liner was melted off by the time the meeting got under way. But what joy to walk into a room with all girl peeps, who smile and greet you. Right away as I took my seat I began to feel the pressures of the day melt away. Since this is a rather small meeting we all take turns saying something. Right away a woman who has been away at school started sharing. She just finished final exams, her marriage is strained, she had to kick her 23 year old son out of the house for using drugs, again, and she said she was just so grateful to be in the safety of those walls last night, to dump her baggage, to grasp a piece of sanity. Similar stories of problems, and difficult situations were shared by the other women. One woman said something that really struck home with me," I can come to the meetings, vent, laugh, cry and go home floating on cloud nine, and no sooner do I walk in the door than the usual crap happens". We all laughed but everyone knows that is all too true. Meetings center me, they ground me because I know when I leave and head for home I never know what new challenges are going to be waiting for me. I'm not sure what dillusional thinking I was using when I first came in. I magically thought my kids would stop fighting, that the clouds would part, the sun would forever shine and my husband would adore me to death. Yea right! I'm usually greeted at the back door by my two youngest who are tattling on each other, my kitchen looks like a bomb went off due to my fifteen year old's attempt at Italian cooking, and the dog has peed somewhere because no one paid any attention to his need to go outside. It's moments like this, when I plunk my purse down and drop my keys that I wish I could open up a bottle of those good AA meeting feelings and inhale deeply. But this is where the program really begins to work. On the homefront, the workfront, the every day to day front. So as my mind was racing at where to begin, I closed my eyes and said the first thing that came to mind,"God grant me..." this prayer has served me well so many times, and today was no exception. I kept my eyes closed for a few moments longer and when I opened them I found my two youngest staring at me. "Mommy just had to adjust her attitude a little", I smiled. And then my daughter said it,"I thought that's what you go to those meetings for!" I burst out laughing, and replied, "it is, it's just hard to make it last sometimes". So I got out my AA toolbox and got to work. The two youngest went to bed, my oldest helped me clean up the dog pee and the kitchen and I found myself humming a song before the day was done. Yep, how do you make it last? by working the steps, going to meetings and saying "God grant me........

6 comments:

  1. I think we all have had this exact same day, or at least those feelings. I love your thought of 'cracking open a bottle of those good old AA feelings' wow. what a way to put it :) so much better than cracking open a can of 'gonna kill me'

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  2. i used to work ata treatment center with teens and we said that prayer every day...there were those that wondered why or scoffed at it, but once they got it, they understood...we all have those days...nice recovery. smiles.

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  3. Awwwww - the poor doggy. I hope the Italian food was good, at least! I've heard that if you pray for patience, the h.p. will give you opportunities to learn it with days like this. . . so you might want to stop praying for patience if that's what you've been doing!

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  4. Peeps who read you carefully will identify immediately: I go to meeting, everything is LOVELY, I go home, or to a job, and chaos (not exactly any more--grin!) reigns.

    AA is "worked" outside the rooms, and you stated it SO WELL!

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  5. best wishes!
    you can make it better...

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  6. Yes, to practice the principles in every aspect of life is a great goal. I keep working at it.

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