It's not hard to say good-bye....

It's not hard to say good-bye unless it's something you love. Which in yesterday's case it really wasn't! My sponsor and I have been working through the sixth step for a few weeks and she had given me an assignment last week. I was to find 12 or more sizeable rocks, with some weight and I was to write a character defect on each one. So I went rock hunting at a local park and picked out fifteen medium size stones that were quite weighty. I wrote what character defects I wanted to get rid of on each one. She arrived at six and handed me a tote and said, "Put those defects in here and let's walk to the lake." So I did and off we headed. It was a cool heavy misty evening. The kind that feels refreshing and makes your cheeks glow with dew. We enjoyed the walk for a while until I realized that my shoulder was getting numb by the weight of the bad. My sponsor said, "Good, you picked your burdens well, and now you can feel what the 800 lb. gorilla feels like, remember this is the junk you've been carrying for years. We took the steps that lead into the park and saw a perfect lone park bench right by the lake, with a little clearing between the bushes. Granite peek was in plain site and looked so cool with a foggy veil hovering over her top. We opened the tote and she said, "It's time to say good-bye, to all these defects, I want you to pull out a stone at a time, read it to me and we'll discuss it a little and then you can throw them into the water". I began to pull out a stone and the first one was "ego". That's a biggy. Bye bye self centeredness! And I didn't just throw the stone in I hurlded it in. I loved the feeling of release when they left my hand, how it soared in the air, and then landed with a big splash. We talked, we laughed, we got serious and then it was time for the last stone. And what do I pull out? Pride! I think I threw that one the farthest. We sat on the parkbench a while enjoying the stillness of the evening, and then we headed home. We were talking about a great many things when my sponsor said, "how does it feel to carry that tote now?" I hadn't even noticed but I was swinging it up and down almost our whole walk home. "It feels good, light and free." We got home, had a cup of coffee and finished the sixth step. It was awesome, because I saw steps, 4,5, and 6 come together. After she left my oldest (who my 55 was written for) and I went out for some Chinese food. Then we went to the grocery store. I like shopping later at night, you don't get to many crowds. We came home in time to talk to my two youngest whom my husband had taken to Shrek Four. It was so amazing to let those things go. Oh I know they won't all disappear over night, and I will always be working on that but just the act, looking at each one, realizing that what I thought was so important to me, wasn't...that's freedom, that's growth, and that's the beauty of AA.......