Third Stepping....

My sponser and I are meeting later today and we are beginning the third step. For some reason this step has been bothering me all week. I'm not sure why except for the final release over what I imagine to be my control. I have no control, if I did my life would not have been so caotic the last 20 years. There seems to be a little voice that keeps saying, "Good luck turning your will over to God, you'll never make it five minutes" this voice keeps popping into my head and filling me with fear. So at yesterday's Saturday morning meeting I asked my fellow AA buds if they had an advice for me. The responses were great. "Don't get freaked out, just say a simple prayer to God and then start working on each day giving your will to him." "Give him your will, and there are times you will take it back, and then you will give it to him and each time you give it back you'll give up a little more will." One woman said she struggled for months with this step until she realized how caotic her life became each time she tried to live by her will and not God's. There were many suggestions and it was so helpful. I came away feeling not intimidated anymore. For some reason I had it in my head that this "turning our will over to God" was a one shot deal. I was terrified that I wouldn't get it right. But then after the meeting I realized that this is something I will do everyday of my life. Learning to ask God to show me his will in situations. Letting things beyond my control be worked out on God's timing. The agenda would no longer belong to me. This was such a huge relief. Truth be told I'm a terrible ringmaster. The big top just gets more wild by the minute when I'm in charge. Last night my parents came for dinner. The house was filled with action. My oldest had his best friend over, my daughter and middle son had dragged half the neighborhood over to play, my parents had also brought their dog who was busy chasing our dog and the volume was at max. Now before this would have had me crazy. I would have been drinking and enormous glass of wine, and would have been crabby and full of anxiety over all the caos. But I realized that I no longer feel that old pal anxiety, anxiousness, the need to be the center of the universe. I quietly went about preparing dinner and we had a delicious meal, great conversation and a very pleasant evening. My husband and I have had lots of nice talks this weekend and the kids are on spring break. Not to mention the temps are going to be summer like for the coming week. You know it's funny, here I am worrying about the third step and in many ways I've already turned my will over to God......and as usual his timing is always right on time........