Being the soccer mom that I am (I drive five kids to practice every day) TI know how nerve wracking it can be when you have to drive to an away game. So I begged and pleaded for my good friend S. to go with me as she's very relaxed around kids, and could keep me grounded and focused. As we headed home in the dark we started to talk about AA, and Al-Anon. She has some experience in Al-Anon as a close family member of hers is alcoholic.
She talked about how she really enjoyed Al-Anon because she felt like she could tell anything in those rooms and those people wouldn't judge her. She felt safe. For so many of us this is true for the very first time.
I went on to talk about my first night in. I was running late so when I got to the club the doors of the meeting room where shut. I tried to quietly push the door open but of course it squeaked and then I saw the face of an older gentleman who smiled and said, "Come in, you're in the right place". How true that was!
It's funny but I never realized how amazing that first step through the doors is! I trusted no one least of all myself. I wasn't sure I was capable of making a sound decision, and yet here I was ready to pour my garbage out to a room full of strangers. Talk about learning to trust and trust fast. I could barely spit the word alcoholic out in private, and here I was saying out loud to 50 people, "hello, my name is Liz and I'm an alcoholic".
When I think back on those days they are so fragile. Like a castle made out of air. I learned to trust those people with my darkest secrets. I poured forth streams of junk to my sponsor, I laughed, I cried, I broke, and then piece by piece I began to put together the puzzle that would become me. Finally I learned to trust myself. That trust has carried me far.
So when people talk about a "leap of faith" i can relate. I asked God for the answer, he showed me the way. I trusted a room full of strangers, I trusted a program I knew nothing about, and I gave myself over to the will of God. A lot of people ask me what's the secret to success in AA. I smile because it was just revealed to me a few days ago, on the way home with a car full of loud fourth and fifth graders. Trust! Trusting with something you cannot see every step of the way. Funny how the most profound reveals happen in the strangest of places.....:)