Sunday, March 6, 2011

Uncovering, Discovering, and Discarding

"And now five, maybe six years have passed, and I made another discovery, which I believe to be the Great Discovery. When we make this discovery, the search is over and life begins-life isn't over, life just begins. Really! And this discovery was that I was never alone anymore. I had a God of my very own. And where I am, He is. I'm often by myself, but never alone. And this has been the way it's been ever since the discovery, and it's the way it was before the discovery. Because I hadn't been alone since my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Now I believe that this program of ours, the Alcoholics Anonymous program, is a program of uncovering, discovering, and discarding. That's the AA program to me. Uncovering, Discovering, and Discarding." from the book A New Pair of Glasses by Chuck C

My good friend M whom I admire very much and have since my first day in AA borrowed me this awesome book called "A New Pair of Glasses". M often refers to parts of it and when I mentioned I was going to get me a copy he put his in my meeting locker at the club for me to borrow. It's a small book packed with wisdom from a recovering alcoholic. I loved the above paragraph. The intimacy in which he proclaims "I had a God of my very own". How much that God fills the void that was always trying to be filled with alcohol. Chuck C goes on to say what he believes is the biggest problem: "the greatest roadblock there is, the only one, as a matter of fact, the only roadblock there is between me and you and me and my God. And that's the human ego. The seat of all the obsessions of the mind. That's where they come from. It is also my total conviction that there is no possibility under Heaven to satisfy the human ego." When I read this, I felt like I had put on a "new pair of glasses", because even though I've made it a year, I have this nagging force that can stop me on a dime, and that is ego. When things go well or when they aren't going bad I tend to go on autopilot and think on my own. Bad, bad, bad, for me to go into my mind. I need to get in tune with my higher power. Part of it is just being in limbo. Last year I was going through the steps and the program filled me night and day. Now my sponsor has turned me loose and I feel like a kid standing in front of the extra curricular activities board trying to find my niche. A thousand possibilities and no sense of direction in which way to go. Things have been happening at work, feelings have been hurt, rules have been laid down and I am caught in the middle of it all. But I've also discovered I can do certain tasks even if they are not my favorite, I can do them well, and it's time to put on the big girl panties and deal with it. Tomorrow I need to get up and ask for strength, and walk through the day. Yesterday while shopping I ran into one of my fellow AA members and we stood in Target talking about the program. R has been sober for 21 years and he asked how my second year was going so far. I told him the truth, that it is different, that I'm incorporating program and living life on a daily basis. That I'm not totally sure if I know what I'm doing. He said, "well, you're not drinking and you're living life on life's terms. So you must know something...." it's always so good to talk to another alcoholic. He also told me that it just keeps getting better and better as the years go by. How it's so amazing how everything we did before was fueled with the reaction to drink, now it's fueled by survival. He told me about celebrating with sparkling cider at his son's wedding, how laughing and remembering is so much more rewarding than a buzz and a next day fog. It was good to run into him, it was good that M left the book in the locker. It is so good that "a God of my very own" looks out for me, even when I think nothing is going on, his plans for me are progressing forth. So this really is a program of uncovering, discovering, and discarding. Uncovering what hurt in the first place, discovering what a new reaction can do to change our lives, and discarding what we no longer need, and moving on. And if I really look at my life today, I guess I can truly say I'm right where I'm suppose to be.......


  1. yeah i like those 3...and they are useful in life if you are an alcoholic....

  2. And me--I'll have three of those, as I keep practicing (like violin--got to practice EVERY day), learning. Thank for these thoughts of yours today.

    Uncovering what hurt--OTHERS
    Discovering how to treat--OTHERS
    Discarding--OUR OLD IDEAS, Complete psychic CHANGE

    And this does most certainly NOT happen in a short time--takes many Peeps YEARS!

    "KUTGW" acronym for "Keep Up The Good Work" (old family 'thing'--grin!

    I respect your program (and you) greatly, girl.

  3. it's a very peaceful feeling to know that we're right where we're supposed to be at this moment. The proof there is that we'd be somwhere else if we were supposed to be.