Double Birthday Punch

Today my husband and middle child share a birthday. Samuel David entered this world on his father's birthday at 6:38 pm ten years ago today. After my husband cut the chord I looked at him and said, "Sorry I didn't get you a birthday card honey, but this will have to do instead". What a feeling. I was so much more relaxed the second time around. Sam was a big boy weighing in at 8lbs. 9 ounces and he was a happy content baby from the start. I remember the weather was really cold when we brought him home, something like -25 degrees but he was such a good baby that I didn't mind being stuck indoors all the time. Alex was in kindergarten all day and I was a stay at home mom at the time. He's grown up so much already. When he stands next to me he's only about a head shorter than me. Full of fourth grade knowledge and a very skilled Lego builder. My husband turns 47 today and I like teasing him that he's only three years til 50. How time flies. I try to remember my parents at this age, and it's a blurr. I just know my mom talks about what a blur her 40's and 50's were. I guess it's true that time flies faster as you get older. I've been reading Caroline Knapp's "Drinking A love Story'. I started this book early into my recovery, got sidetracked and just last week picked it up to finish it. I am glad it worked out that way as I can so relate to it so much more, having gone through the program of AA. There's a part when she talks about reaching the point where you just don't feel anymore. You are so tired, so beat up, so souless, that physical pain can't touch you. I know exactly what she is saying. I was so without feeling when I walked in. I mean don't get me wrong I had some feelings: anxiety, fear, isolation, etc... but as for emotion I felt colorless. Then of course you go through the rollercoaster ride of emotions those first few months, until you begin to walk an easier trail. Now I feel everything. I may not always like what I'm feeling but it's better than being void of everything. Friday was a crazy day and most everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I finally made it home, soaking wet thanks to the snow, ice cold feet, van full of groceries, a new mouse in tow, and a headache. I was met at the backdoor by Sam who was having a friend sleep over. No sooner did he tell me that the friend wasn't feeling well than his sister yell's that this friend had just thrown up. I sighed, set down my purse, and headed down the hallway. As I approached Sam's room I heard my daughter say, "It's OK my mom's coming, and she can fix anything". What a compliment! No I can't fix everything but I can feel everything, and I wouldn't have missed that awesome feeling she gave me for anything in the world!........