Monday, January 31, 2011

Double Birthday Punch

Today my husband and middle child share a birthday. Samuel David entered this world on his father's birthday at 6:38 pm ten years ago today. After my husband cut the chord I looked at him and said, "Sorry I didn't get you a birthday card honey, but this will have to do instead". What a feeling. I was so much more relaxed the second time around. Sam was a big boy weighing in at 8lbs. 9 ounces and he was a happy content baby from the start. I remember the weather was really cold when we brought him home, something like -25 degrees but he was such a good baby that I didn't mind being stuck indoors all the time. Alex was in kindergarten all day and I was a stay at home mom at the time. He's grown up so much already. When he stands next to me he's only about a head shorter than me. Full of fourth grade knowledge and a very skilled Lego builder. My husband turns 47 today and I like teasing him that he's only three years til 50. How time flies. I try to remember my parents at this age, and it's a blurr. I just know my mom talks about what a blur her 40's and 50's were. I guess it's true that time flies faster as you get older. I've been reading Caroline Knapp's "Drinking A love Story'. I started this book early into my recovery, got sidetracked and just last week picked it up to finish it. I am glad it worked out that way as I can so relate to it so much more, having gone through the program of AA. There's a part when she talks about reaching the point where you just don't feel anymore. You are so tired, so beat up, so souless, that physical pain can't touch you. I know exactly what she is saying. I was so without feeling when I walked in. I mean don't get me wrong I had some feelings: anxiety, fear, isolation, etc... but as for emotion I felt colorless. Then of course you go through the rollercoaster ride of emotions those first few months, until you begin to walk an easier trail. Now I feel everything. I may not always like what I'm feeling but it's better than being void of everything. Friday was a crazy day and most everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I finally made it home, soaking wet thanks to the snow, ice cold feet, van full of groceries, a new mouse in tow, and a headache. I was met at the backdoor by Sam who was having a friend sleep over. No sooner did he tell me that the friend wasn't feeling well than his sister yell's that this friend had just thrown up. I sighed, set down my purse, and headed down the hallway. As I approached Sam's room I heard my daughter say, "It's OK my mom's coming, and she can fix anything". What a compliment! No I can't fix everything but I can feel everything, and I wouldn't have missed that awesome feeling she gave me for anything in the world!........


  1. Wow, what an awesome compliment to receive from someone you've birthed! I'd give any bribe to hear one of MY teens mouth anything like that. My second born is also called Sam. And, um, I'm afraid I still drink far more than I am comfortable with (not that anyone notices)..

  2. First for Shrinky: Nobody notices!!! I was the LAST one to 'know' about myself...but I gues with girls, it's different, Hmmmmmmm?

    Bet you felt like a queen, with wand and crown! Good stories of life...and how you dealt with it. Thank you.

  3. mom can fix anything...nice. hope they both have a great birthday!

  4. That is a really good book. I found it profoundly sad and so honest.