Thursday, August 26, 2010

Firsts, and being ready........

First day of school today. Grace and Sam were up, dressed, had their beds made and were ready for school at 6:15am. Only problem being the doors don't open until 7:30. I love the first day of school. Everyone is nervous and excited, so willing to get up next week I'll be dragging everyone out of bed by 6:45 and shouting orders like a drill sergeant! Expecially for the high school sophomore, who thinks ten minutes is plenty of time to get ready. As other parent's were walking their kids to the classrooms, mine informed me "You can just pull up mom, we know where our rooms are", so instead of being hurt, I just smiled and did what they asked. Gracie shot me a big smile and jumped into the van for a quick kiss before she slammed the door and took off after Sam. A new school year, a new beginning. How do you know when you are ready for something? Ready for school, ready for driving, ready for relationships, ready for life?! There's no signal, no universal nod that says "yep it's time". The reason I have been pondering this question is because I have a friend who is struggling with the "right time" to end a relationship with someone she cares about. She knows this relationship probably isn't the healthiest, but as most of us do she's looking at the good times, focusing on the time invested, wondering if she really wants to start all over. Someone who is close to her pointed out that she didn't have to do the action of breaking up right now. Before I would have rolled my eyes at this. What do you mean? You know the relationship isn't going well, too much control from the other person, you're getting yourself physically sick agnonizing over this....and on and on...Oh yea, I had an opinion about everything. Just as long as you would agree with me, and I didn't have to be objective. But since I've entered the program of AA and I stepped out of myself I have begun to realize "one size does not fit all". Not everyone is ready to do things at the same time. People need compassion, and understanding, and at times a moment or two to really think things over. I heard the anguish and pain, and fear in my friends voice. I wanted to give her a piece of advice but what? As I lay in bed last night the answer came to me, so after dropping the kids off at school, I called her on my way to work. I told her from my own experience that being ready was everything. "I knew I was an alcoholic six months before I ever walked through the doors of AA" I said. I wasn't ready, and by waiting, and becoming ready the program has gone well for me. I have seen a lot of people come and go since I've been in the program and many times I think it's because they weren't ready. Really ready to change, to know the truth, to walk an uneasy walk through the demons of life. Just because you "know" something doesn't mean you are ready to deal with it. My friend thanked me and said she felt it was sound advice. I can't take her pain away. I have enough of my own to deal with. But I can relate in a different way. And I do know for certain that being ready in my case , made all the difference........


  1. i think it was sound advice you gave her...and i hope everyone has a great first day!

  2. I remember the excitement of the first day of school. I am glad to not have to do school now, although I am taking some engine courses and piloting courses.

    Compassion and understanding go a long way in my recovery.