Wednesday, September 8, 2010


What a difference sleep makes! Headache has subsided for the time being. Fall is in the air. The high yesterday was 54. Brrrr.... but it's to be expected. Last night I met with a fellow AA member at the Alano club to talk. He and I entered AA roughly at the same time. He's relapsed twice and called me the other day asking if he could pick my brain in regards to handling a family and treatment. He recently became a stay at home dad. Quitting his full time job so his wife could continue on in her career and he could be home with their two children. I agreed to meet and talk in a public place, as there is so much 13th. stepping at the club, that I didn't want people starting any untrue rumors. We had a great 2 and a half hour talk. He's dealing with many of the same issues I am. He's struggling with turning his complete will over ( I do this 100 times a day), he's frustrated with his spouse, and frustrated with himself. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to help him before we me, but then my higher power just let it happen. I told him what I knew that worked for me. I like many alcoholics love to run the show. It's like being ringmaster for the circus. I want all the acts to go my way and have a hard time understanding why in the end, I'm all by myself. Where did everyone go? They went into the audience because they knew I would do it myself anyway...Now that I'm aware of this lovely trait I have to make those around me who have become codependant upon me, uncodependant. This doesn't happen over night. I've learned to give my husband back some responsibility. To also make him accountable for his actions, his role as husband and father,and his role in our marriage. He does these things with caution, and hesitation...and why shouldn't he? He's probably afraid of my old self showing up and yellng that he didn't do it right. Do this enough times and the circle of trust gets broken. I've also learned to confront him with or about things that effect us both without interjecting my own opinion on it. This is a tough one for me because I like to think my way is the best way. Think before you act or react. Cut yourself some slack and don't forget to thank your higher power for the success you've already had. We talked a ton, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out. When he complained that she doesn't ask a lot about his program I remind him of what my sponsor tells me. "You may want, their support, you may crave their support, but you don't need that support to recover. Once I knew that my recovery depended upon my higher power and myself, it was much easier to move forward. This is my disease, it's difficult for a non-alcohic to understand the nature of the disease. We wrapped up our talk and he said that things were much clearer than before, and I felt the same way. Put the big stick away, carve out some time for yourself, give your wife tasks to help build her trust and confidence in your changing. But most of all put your trust and will in God's hands, after all he can move mountains......


  1. smiles. you have an incredibel story to tell...and i love hearing it each day...i imagine you made a great impression upon him, but that is not up to you either...smiles.

  2. Kudos to you for helping this man, but really, he needs to be reaching out to the men in the program. If he had a sponsor, he would have been told that. I am not sure how my husband would feel about me meeting up with another man for two and a half hours to discuss his problems. Actually I do know, he would not like it. The next time this man asks you for help you may want to point him the direction of the men. You are still at a place where you need to be very selfish with your recovery. The last thing you need is your husband worrying that A.A. has become a place where you meet men and hook up afterwards, the Readers Digest condensed version of the whole story is exactly that. You are in a very good place now and sometimes we expect healthy behavior from sick people. I guess my point is, just be careful. OK I am off my soapbox now! I hope I did not sound too sponsor-y, but I would hate to see anything get in the way of your recovery, and I care about you very much!

  3. It may be good for his wife to go to Al-Anon if she is willing. It would help her to have her own recovery from the effects of alcoholism. He needs a sponsor also.