Old habits die really hard.....

It's happening again. The August "fear" has set in. I thought I was doing so good! Handling everything quite well for the last few weeks until I started waking up in the middle of the night with my jaw locked tight. I've suffered with bad TMJ on the right side of my jaw and it's so scary to wake with it locked tight because the only way to unlock it is to get it back to where it was and yikes that is painful. It has happened four days in a row. So my mind starts to analize everything and I'm searching for clues as to why I'm stressing and grinding my teeth during the night. Then it dawns on me. I've mentioned this before but August is a month that unnerves me. Summer is quickly fleeting, the days are getting shorter, school is fast approaching, schedules, checks, necessities, time frames, etc....and before you know it my mind is in a full blown panic of survival mode. I was thinking I was going to just coast through August this year and glide into September because my tools for living where going to make everything better. What I didn't realize is the power of the mind. All along these tiny little messages of doubt have been creeping in. "you're going to get overwhelmed", it's too bad your husband can't help out more", just wait for winter sports time, things will really get crazy", how are you going to work, cook, do homework etc?" Do you really think you are capable of handling a school year smoothly"! All these doubts have started to erode my self-confidence fast. I've been internalizing and now it's starting to show. So as I was laying in bed wide awake watching the ceiling fan whir round and round last night I needed to devise a plan. "Ok God, here's the deal, I have another school year fast approaching. I'm the team captain during the week and have backup help on the weekends. I tend to get overwhelmed. I need to stay focused, to keep the team motivated and most of all I need your help Lord. I can't do this alone." Then it came to me, I don't have to. I can do this with the help of God. With the help of my sponsor, my family, my AA peeps, my blogger peeps, friends, etc....I'm not the same person I was six months ago. I'm aware, I'm living life on life's terms, and I'm not throwing in the towel and retreating back to my leather chair with a glass in hand. I can do this, I've done this while I was drinking and survived, just think what I should be able to do now that I'm not drinking. I made a promise, to set up barriers, and say no when I want to. To not overschedule, and to keep things simple. Since spelling is a major road block for my kids, I'm requesting their sheets ahead of time so we can work at it more on the weekends. I will take care of myself, my program, and my family without drowning in the sea of life. Most of all I will put those little voices of doubt in my God box. He will take care of them while he's taking care of me. I laid awake a little while longer and listened to my husband snoring before drifting off to sleep. As the alarm went off my hand shot to the right side of my face, only to find a relaxed jaw. So I said "thank you" to God and started my day. Doubt, fear, and uncertainty kept me drinking before. They will not do it again, but I was reminded of how fast they could. So good-bye doubt, I do believe I tossed you in the lake a few months ago. So sorry you felt the need to visit but as usual you over stayed your welcome so don't let the door hit you in the back on your way out.........