Progress not Perfection.....

You hear and say this phrase a lot, but oh how quickly we forget it when it comes to practicing it. When I first started my road of recovery I had all these grand ideas that my life would be rosy and happy and I would never be judgemental, crabby, cross, confused, pissed off, angry or just in an all around horse shit mood.....Hmmm.....then how come all that can still can happen in a split second? Because we are human! Our emotions are still our emotions. It would be great to be loving, kind, and accepting 24 hours a day but I can't. I still am judgemental, there are days I'm pissed off and angry, and confused and crabby, but I no longer need a drink to forget those emotions, there's the difference. I live through my emotions and if I act poorly I have to deal with those feelings of shame and guilt too. I remember how shocked my husband acted when two months in I got crabby with him...well at first I felt bad but then I realized "this is life baby" and I can't erase 41 years of habits. Too many times at meetings I hear people take out the "big stick" and start beating themselves in front of the group. We are sooooo good at that. But it does us no good. So put away the big stick. This is a program for life, not overnight. When someone asks me "how's it going in AA?" I give them my standard answer "it's a work in progress". After all perfection never gave me what I wanted so why repeat it over and over expecting different results?! I think I've had enough of that insanity to last me a lifetime...