Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Did you ever have those moments that you just want to freeze in time? Just for an extra second or two? I had a few this weekend. One in particular happened Sunday night around twilight. My husband and I ventured out in the kayaks. This was new experience for me going so late in the evening. It takes your eyes a while to adjust, and you have to trust your instincts and navigate by the shorline. It was a beautiful quiet time to be on the lake. A small bat was dodging back and forth dining on the "insect buffet" that the lake was providing, and the loons were calling. As we paddled on back to the cottage I was taking it all in. The fishing boat off to my left, the quiet casts into the water, the shadow images the clouds were making against the night sky and as we came upone the cottage itself: large windows, basked in the warm glow of lights, the kids at the kitchen table playing games, the fire dancing in the fire pit, talking and laughter, it was such a perfect moment that I wanted to hang on to it forever. But alas reality is always lurking in the corners. All in all it was a great weekend. The weather was gorgeous, my children loved being with their cousins, there was lots of swimming, kayaking, tubing etc. and not a computer, a game station, a TV, or a cell phone in use all weekend long! We all came home full of sun, water, and happy exhaustion. Later on in the evening last night my oldest son told me something his cousin had said to him. She told him her mother hates me. Now of course you know there has to be a bit of history here, and there is, too long to go into, but this didn't come as a shock to me. Ever since the day she married my brother she has worked very hard at isolating our family from him. Our relationship has been very estranged at times, but in the last few years he has slowly made his way back. She of course never comes with him to the cottage if the family is there, and a few years ago she hit a big mid life crisis. Lost weight, started exercising, bought a new car, dresses like an 18 year old and has pretty much relinquished the raising of the children to my brother as well as taking care of the house and everything else. The worst crime of course is my niece and nephew. Their older sister is 20, in college and living on her own, but the two left at home are suffering the most. They are attention starved and my brother is trying to do the best he can in raising them. Now before if I would have been told this I would have gone bonkers. I would have had a million scenarios playing in my head of how I was going to tell her a thing or two. I would have verbally ripped her apart. But thanks to my program I was able to have a different perspective on the whole ordeal. She has a lot of issues. They are her issues. The most help I can give my brother is to pray for him. Support him in any way I can. When I worked with my sponsor last Friday she gave me a little homework assignment for the week. I am to create a "God Box" or if you want a "HP box". This can be shoebox, a trinket box, whatever you choose and in this box you put small pieces of paper with resentments, or defects, or areas of your life that you want to give up to your HP. I asked my sponser if you can take something back out once you put it in. She said you could, but most of the time you will end up putting it back in. Once you put it in, you trust your HP to take care of it. I'm going to put my sister-in-law in my God box. She has some good qualities, even if they are not shining through right now. This is her journey, not mine, plus I have no control over how she feels about me, and I have issues of how I feel about her that I need to deal with. Sometimes when I feel that my growth in this program is slowing down, my higher power sends a situation my way and gives me just what I need: a reminder that growth never stops as long as you are open to change.....


  1. just make sure you poke air holes...smiles.

    yeah, i have a hard time keeping my box closed sometimes. this is what i get taught often...

  2. Very mature of you My Dear...

  3. I used to spend a lot of time at an NA group as well as my home group and we talked of a God box. One guy in there said his God box was the toilet! Flush! that way he couldn't take it back :)

  4. A lot of Peeps I know have a God Box, like you, Chris. And I am glad to be around these people, because they also evidently believe in God...in a personal, spiritual way.

    And since you like nature so much, I'd bet you are very close to God during those moments which would be great to "freeze"....

    I really like your profile which reads something like, "I am this, and that, and such, AND I am an alcoholic!"

  5. Yes, putting the names of those who I let go of in my God box helps. It's interesting how later I will go back to the box and take out those slips of paper with the name of people who I used to obsess over and the problem has been resolved. Awesome!