Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Giving It A Rest

A fellow AA member remarked how difficult the winter is. It's dark all the time and I find I need to pray and concentrate on the steps more during these times. "I just hate winter" they said. I used to hate winter too. I hated when I had to cut my perennials back, and clean out the yard for winter. November was always such a cold dead month to me. Then I read in a magazine that November was stillness at its best. A welcome rest for nature so it could burst forth in the springtime in all it's glory. Everything needs a rest sooner or later. By the time someone makes it into AA they are in desperate need of a "rest". The bodies are battered, the mind is exhausted, and the soul broken. The spirit that once was there is missing and for many suicide is close behind. I have heard people say more than once that they "just wanted to die". AA gives you a rest. All you have to do is go to the meetings those first few weeks. Rest, listen, share only if you want to. But rest and rest assured you are no longer alone. Your higher power will be with you every step of the way. Your fellow members can relate to you and if you look closely enough you will see somone who has their soul back. There is a softness, a humility, a gratefulness that there was a choice besides death. By August last year I didn't care anymore. I was too tired. But it took me another six months before I was tired enough to get help. I love my flower gardens, but by the end of summer, I let the weeds do what they wanted. I blamed it on not having enough time, but in reality I had enough time to pour a drink, and stare at my chaotic gardens and sip the cares away. This year when I cleaned the beds for fall, I didn't care. It was just one more chore to do. That is why finding a place to rest is so important. It lets you know that there will be better days, sunny days, days you can't imagine any more than just living. When I went to get the mail the other night I found a new seed catalog that had come. On the cover the beautiful flowers reminded me of what is to come. Better days, days with sunshine, and bees buzzing, and my gardens. I touched the cover tenderly because I knew the catalog was a sign from God. I will rest, I will heal, and my soul will bloom again once more. There is "son" even on cloudy, snowy days.

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