Monday, November 19, 2012

Someone does listen

"Well, I've heard people say that God is the gift of desperation, and there's a lot to be said for having really reached a bottom where you've run out of anymore good ideas, or plans for everybody else's behavior; or how to save and fix and rescue; or just get out of a huge mess, possibly of your own creation.

"And when you're done, you may take a long, quavering breath and say, 'Help.' People say 'help' without actually believing anything hears that. But it is the great prayer, and it is the hardest prayer, because you have to admit defeat — you have to surrender, which is the hardest thing any of us do, ever."

Anne Lamott from an interview on her new book: 'Help, Thanks, Wow'

I've been through an emotional roller coaster lately. The highs and lows of being up one minute and down the next. These past few days I have been dealing with the wreckage left by a family member who decided to unload on other people. This particular onslaught brought up many past feeling of inadequacy which in disregards to what my program has taught me, I let all the old doubts come back in and rule my feelings. I have cried a lot and rented out unnecessary space simply because this person is so unhappy with their own life that they felt the need to take everyone else's inventory.

Not to mention my hubby is gone hunting for ten days. I'm juggling an overpacked schedule, and three children, a second seasonal job, and dealing with my disease on a daily basis. And you know what happens next: tired, irritable, and discontent. I really woke up with the blues. My daughter Grace had an early Dr. appointment this morning to monitor her medication for ADD (she has shown such awesome improvement and her self esteem is really climbing) so we were all out of the house early. After running to and from the Dr. back to school, I turned on NPR and fortunately for me an interview with Anne Lamott was on. And it was all about her new book on prayer.
And it was just what I needed to hear. Her words resonated within my soul. I'm at the above point: Help. So simple, so hard to admitt.

So I came into work with tears in my eyes. Am dealing with a million emotions, have finally eaten something, and am having Barnes and Noble hold the book. Tonight I will make a cup of tea, and begin reading. God really does listen, and answer, and thank you for listening too.....


  1. i love anne lamott...she is so real...breathe...take time to breathe...its a busy season and only going to get busier...ask and you shall receive...

  2. Of course He's just that sometimes we're to busy to hear when he answers.

    This was your version of the brick He usually has to throw at me to get me to pay attention. I'm so glad He reached you.


  3. I have two (much older) books of hers on hold at the library. I'm going to try and pop in and get them today. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that emotional roller coaster. So hard this time of year anyway for many reasons, and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you find some peace soon.

  4. You know it's always when I least expect it that God smacks me in the face with gratitude. You just wrote about your daughter when we're dealing with horrible changes in ADHD rages in our've planted some hope in me.