This past weekend my family and I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of my bestie's oldest child. I have known this young man since he was three. What an awesome time it has been to watch him grow into this creative, wonderful, funny, man. His bride is a gem, and as I told him before the ceremony no one could have hand picked a more perfect mate for him than the one he had chosen. They were married in a field, corn and trees surrounding us. The remnants of hurrican Isac in the distance. A reading from Emerson, and one from Whinnie the Pooh, and simple country flowers held by the bride. Afterwords the reception was held in a barn. People enjoyed home cooked food, pies and cake, dancing and fellowship. Most of us kicked off our shoes and went barefoot.
After a few rain showers the sky began to clear and mother nature painted one of the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen. An impromtu baseball game was ignited by the young couples friends using an old board and a crushed plastic cup. When it was dark my bestie and I walked out by the corn field and turned around to survey the scene in front of us. A barn with sparkling lights and dancing people, a white tent with twinkling gold lights, laughter pouring out of the doorway to the tables of relaxing adults, and children running and playing in the twilight. It took my breath away. This magical special, special, night. It was at that moment that I wanted to freeze this piece of time. To take it out to look at when the day wasn't so magical. To some how be able to hold onto that fraction of time, if ony for a second longer.
Weddings to me used to mean free drinks. A place to catch a wine buzz and nurse it all night long. To be in a fuzzy haze of bloated happiness. Only to pay the price the next day with a monster headache. I couldn't socially relax without a drink, I certainly couldn't dance without a drink, and I couldn't imagine having a great time without being 90% blotto! This was my second sober wedding. Yes there was alcohol, but none for me. I laughed, I cried (I never make it when the dad walks the bride down the isle)I ate, drank lots of coffee, and danced. It was pure fun. Who knew the pure raw sensation of clean straight non alcoholic senses could be so intoxicating! I wouldn't have told you that a few years ago, and that is a fact.
Sobriety has taught me to be at my best. That all those emotions that flood us from top to bottom, must be felt. The lump in the throat, the tear in the eye, the uninhibited laughter, its all necessary to being real. I still struggle with emotions. At times I can feel overwhelmed. Like I'm drowning and its just to much to bare. It will be a life long process. But being able to stand back and soak all that wonderful wedding bliss in was enough to remind me just how important sobriety really is. It puts me in the moment. It makes me a player rather than a bystander. It makes me realize that when I lay my head down at night, and close my eyes, just how lucky I am to be me........