Insurance

Life is full of suprises. A saying that is said over and over again. I like to think of a "surpise" as something that is unexpected and enjoyable, and yet some of life's "surpises" are anything but nice. I've come to use the phrase "life on life's terms" instead. I found out early in recovery this was something I really struggled with. I didn't know how to handle the curve balls that came my way so instead of learning how to deal with things I just got out of the game. In other words it was much safer for me to sit in the dug out and drink. When AA helped me get back into the game I realized it wasn't so scarey and that with a little maneuvering I could hold my own. This was a huge point in my recovery. Facing the fear. I always thought of myself as someone who was in charge. Who jumped right off the end of the dock, I didn't need to wade in, that was for sissies. Little did I know I was the biggest sissy of them all. Facing fear or fears is done on a daily basis. Now if there's something I need to deal with I have to pull it front and center and get it done with. No more throwing it in the closet until later. Yesterday a friend was telling me about a young man that was killed in a car accident earlier in the morning. His family is devastated and yet they have lost another child a few years earlier as well. My mind split in about a thousand pieces trying to grasp at their losses. Then my friend said something that really struck home. She too has lost a child and she said, "it's hard to believe that so much tragedy can happen to one family. I've always felt like I had some insurance that I've already had such a horrific thing happen to me that there was no way it was going to happen again, but it does". We have no insurance against life. It just happens. I didn't panick when I heard her words, it was just the plain truth and it just sank in. This was what scared me the most. This "no insurance". Now I realize that there's nothing I can do, but deal with life on life's terms. I know this isn't any big revelation for most people but to me it was. Knowing that at any moment life can throw us a curve ball we may never fully recover from is scarey. But the difference in my life today is that it does not have to disable me. I'm not paralyzed to live because I'm so full of fear. My HP walks beside me, and walks through fear with me. He truley is a "lamp unto my feet". So life doesn't come with insurance, but really is that enough of a reason to not grab it and live it with all you have? I think not, it's a risk we all have to take......