Flash 55 Friday

Disbelief...

We were talking in anticipation,
television turned on, it was
near lunchtime, and the yearbook
room was full. A teacher, the
first "commoner" to head into
space, we cheered as the launch
drew near, and finally the
countdown 4,3,2,1, and we
have lift off! Suddenly shouts of joy
turned to silent disbelief....


My children and I listened to a brother of one of the astronauts that died that fatefull day 25 years ago, speak on NPR this morning. He talked of his brother's strength and how he had overcome so many racial barriers in his life, and had made his dream of space flight come true. My oldest asked if I remembered when this happened and I replied, "like yesterday. I was the editor of my high school yearbook when this happened. We were all watching in the tiny upstairs room on the second floor. I had the sensation of my heart hitting bottom, and wanting to throw up all at once. We were stunned to say the least. No one spoke for a very long time. I can't believe it's been 25 years. It's hard to explain to your children at times that dreams can have a certain amount of risk, but there may come a time in your life when the "dream" will outweigh the risk...Have a blessed weekend....

One shot Wednesday

Middle Child

Oh, my sweet middle child,
small nosed, and chubby cheeked
How I wish you knew how
special you are....

I see your struggles,
caught in the middle of
an older brother who
excels and teases, and on
rare occasion extends some attention
which you lap up like a thirsty dog....

While on your heels, is the younger
sprite, all girlish drama and flair
in one instant your best friend, and
in another your worst enemy...

Yet, you were created with your
own set of gifts, a love of building,
and reading, a "follower" of rules and
instructions...as teacher's say, "A joy
to have in class"....

You are unique, born in the heart of
winter, your eyes green instead of
your sibling's blue, while they are
long legged, you are sturdy and short....

I know you are changing, your frustration
and tears tell me all too clearly, but
I know you will be just fine, for you are
the child I can count on, the child I don't
have to ask twice. You keep your mother sane,
and that my child is I gift I will never
be able to repay...

I love you my sweet middle child.....



This is written for my sweet Sam. He's changing and I've noticed a lot of frustration with his siblings lately. On January 31, he turns ten. A special day because he shares a birthday with his dad. He told me the other day he hates being the "middle child" and it's hard to know what to say. I was the youngest so I only know that point of view, but he is resilient and I know he'll be just fine.....

Superbowl bound......

I am not a sports nut! I'm pretty sure I don't have an athletic bone in my body, but you can't grow up in the state of Wisconsin and not learn a little about the Green Bay Packers. I grew up with two older brothers, a dad and grandparents that LOVED the Packers! I was taught there is no loyalty to any other team in the league. Now there were many years when my Viking's cousins got to wear all their cool Purple and White gear, and rub our noses in the fact that we were not a winning team anymore but then in 1996 Brett Favre and the Packers changed all that. We are a team that gets criticized for not spending a lot of money on free agents. We prefer to pick underdogs and build our team. And through thick or thin you will never meet more loyal fans than the Packers. We love our green and gold so you can imagine there was a lot of yelling, and jumping up and down when we knew for sure we were going to the Superbowl. I don't even care if we win the Superbowl I'm just glad we made it this far. My bestie took this picture so she's not in it but from left to right starting in the back: my husband Charles (no hair), Dirk (my bestie's husband) Kevin (Cheri's hubby). Bottom row left to right: My daughter Grace, my besties daughter Hannah (peeking out from under Grace), our son Sam, Me (drybottomgirl) and our friend Cheri. Dressed in our Packer gear(mine is very dated I'm wearing #92 Reggie White) and ready to yell our team on to victory. But it's funny how much more enjoyable these games are sober to me. As we were driving to their house I was remembering all the Packer parties we had gone to in the past. It was fun at first, but then I would drink a lot, be full, and tired and not really care by the end of the game. Now I'm yelling, and cheering and jumping around. Isn't that the truth of AA? It gets you going, it gets you involved, it gets you out of yourself. When the pity party gets to big to handle, my program teaches me to get busy working with someone else, or just doing something to help someone else. By giving of me I get so much more. So it's Monday, I'm at work, not hung over, and happy to call the Green Bay Packers my team.....Smiles :)

Flash 55 Friday

Aracnaphobia

Crossing over to water
the flowers, I catch a
glimpse of quiet beauty
Threads of lightness
illuminated by the pink
eastern morn, glistening
with fresh dew I feel
like a voyeur to your world of
secret lure and destruction,
like a lover whose too attractive
and before you know it you've
cashed in your soul....


I have never cared for spiders except Charlotte. When she died I sobbed all the way home from the movie theatre. I guess their speed makes me nervous but last summer I was able to study the most beautiful web(minus it's owner) in the morning sun. I am amazed at the architecture that stems from these little creatures. Almost air like in composition and yet strong enough to capture their prey. Truly a wonder. I hope you all have a cozy weekend. Temps are headed below zero, so outside will be limited! Blessings.......

Fragile.....

Fragile is one of my favorite "Sting" songs. My oldest son burned me a cd of "Nothing Like the Sun", and I forgot how much I liked Sting. Life is very fragile. I haven't blogged much because work has been very busy. Recently an event happened with an affiliate of ours in the business world. Fatalities were involved and now lives have been changed forever, and the endless world or lawyers, and investigations is plaguing them. A reminder of how fragile our world's really are. Sigh, so I feel like I'm out of sync with the blogging world. Our little family is busy. Alex is in the middle of taking final exams, Sam and Grace are busy practicing for a "Knowledge A Thon" that helps raise money for their school while they learn answers to over a hundred questions. They actually really enjoy memorizing and seeing how many answers they know. My hubby is thrilled with the success of the Packers and we are all hoping that we can beat the bears and make it to the Super Bowl. Alex was two the last time they won the Super Bowl. I start my Master Gardening course tonight with an introductory potluck. We get paired with our mentors and get to meet the people we are going to spend the next few months with. I am excited to get back into learning. And it's something I love so it should be that much more interesting. I love to learn new things, which is funny because I was such a rotten student in high school. I was all "social" and no "academic" until I was 27. Unlike my oldest who wants to take summer school so he can graduate early and take some courses at the university in town before heading off to college after his senior year. He didn't come from my gene pool. Looking at what I just wrote makes me so grateful for all that is happening. Not the tragedy of course but the movement of life, the going forward, not stuck. When the promises are read in meetings, my favorite line is "You will be amazed before you are halfway through". I remember my first week in, so broken and wishing my life was different than it was. Now I am amazed at my life on a daily basis. I am able to contribute not only to my families well being but to mine as well. I get to step up to the plate. I may not always hit homeruns, but heck I'll take just making a base! I'm starting to deal with Grace's ADD. We are working on organization. She now has a large desk in her room, a calendar that goes by the week, and each Sunday we write out what's happening for just that week. She has post it notes to write reminders, and supplies at her finger tips. We arranged her room in a more "friendly" manner so she can make her bed easier and pick up her toys better. Lots of hugs, and praise. She seems to be responding well. Another facet I didn't expect to have to deal with but it's rewarding to be able to give her tools to exceed. I look forward to the day I am asked to sponsor someone in AA, and I get to give them the tools to succeed through the great program of AA. And if I pass my Master Gardener class I will be able to give people the tools to make their world beautiful. So despite the atmosphere of saddness that is looming because of the "fragileness" of life, I am profoundly grateful for all that is life......

Flash 55 Friday

Winter Oasis

Watching the snow fall
I turn my attention to
a seed catalogue and
as I pour over the
glossy pages it suddenly
becomes a 75 degree summer
afternoon. The lawn is a
cool dark green, the flowers
blooming, birds chittering and
the sun playing peek-a-boo
with the shade. Then the phone
rings, shattering my daydream.......


This is true. Seed caralogues are coming and my mind is drifting to growing season. So to passify myself I am signing up to become a Master Gardener through our University of Wisconsin system. I am excited, as I love gardening, love school, and will be able to give back to my community doing something I love! Work has been brutal this week, thus the lack of blogging. Late hours, foul moods, and piles of work to be taken care of before next week's Operations Review. However it is the weekend, and time for relaxation. Go Pack Go, and stay safe and warm with the ones you love.....

Mom on the edge....

Not really but Friday after work I did something I never thought I would do. I had the right side of my nose pierced with a very tiny diamond stud. And I love it. My husband likes it, of course our 16 year old likes it, and I've had lots of compliments on it. Why? What posesses a 41 year old mother to walk into a Tattoo/Piercing establishment and get her nose pierced? I'm coming up on my one year of sobriety, and my 42nd. birthday and my oldest son and I were discussing tattoo's and piercings and I said, "I've always liked a tiny diamond stud nose piercing", so Alex says, " Do it mom!" Do it to mark the journey of this year". So I thought about it all the next day at work, and came to the conclusion that he was right. This has been a journey of blind faith, trusting that I could face the past, reconcile it, deal with the hurt and pain I caused others and myself. To feel all emotions be they happy, sad, painful, joyful etc. and to keep living in the moment. So I pulled in and did it. Now had I known how big the needle was, that the area wouldn't be frozen, and that forceps were involved I may have thought twice, but in my usual fashion I just jumped in. The nicest guy did it, and he even was helping fix my makeup because my eyes wouldn't stop running, but within two hours the pain was gone and I forget I even have a nose piercing. To me it stands as a symbol of what the last year has been. I cannot grow without periods of pain, and difficulties. I cannot change the past, or avoid the future. I can survive pain, and make it to the other side. So all in all I'm pleased with my decision. Saturday night the Monday night "Freedom" group had a potluck and speaker meeting. I love speaker meetings. The guest speaker was from a different part of Wisconsin and what a great story he told. From having everything, to loosing everything, to living in a rat infested apartment for $75.00 to finding his way into AA, getting a great sponsor and begining to rebuild his life. His wife had the divorce papers ready but never filed and they were able to save their marriage. He son who lived in fear is now graduating college with honors. He was accepted back into a profession he loves and he is zealous about the program. I so love to hear the stories because they just keep reaffirming what so many of us know. This program works if you work it. As I have said before I could listen to stories from AA members all day long. It reminds me of how much work I've done, how much more lies ahead, and how I never want to return to where I was. So this morning as I was putting my makeup on, the light caught the diamond chip and sent a small glitter of light across the mirror. Where there is darkness, there can be light, where there is despair, there can be hope, where there is sadness joy and I am delighted and privileged to be a part of it all. Monday blessings......